An Open Letter To The Man I'm Going To Marry

I am so glad that God brought you into my life.  I know the path that led each of us to here wasn't the smoothest.  I also know that the path that lies ahead of us won't be without it's own bumps, twists, and turns.  But knowing that we've made it here, and will make it through whatever God has in store for us makes it all worth it.

I love you like I've never loved another man before.  My love for you is unconditional.

I promise to be patient, even when patience isn't always my forte.

I promise to be kind and understanding.

I promise to be there for you when you need me, and to give you your space when that's what you need instead.

I promise to make you laugh.

I promise to never stop trying.

I promise to compromise.

I promise to take a step back & breathe when I know I'm about to say something bitchy just because I'm mad.

I promise to tell you how I feel.

I promise to listen to how you feel.

I promise to support you.

I promise to be a good mother.

I can't promise that I'll like you everyday, but I can promise that I'll love you everyday.

No matter what path we go down, I promise to stand by your side.

I knew the moment that I first met you that you were something special.  You really were different.  I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I loved you far earlier than I was comfortable admitting even to myself.  I knew almost instantly that you would be the man I was going to marry someday.

Life hasn't always been easy, and it won't always be easy, but it's a journey I'm excited to be on knowing that you're a part of it.

August 6, 2020

I have done posts in the past where I have made guesses at my future.  (Letter to 36 year old me, from 21-31, etc) I saw both Claire & Pinky do this recently so I decided since I'm starting a brand new chapter of my life this month I'd take a look at what my life might be like 5 years from now.



**I'll be 3 months short of 32**

**I'll probably still be teaching...and if so will have 8 years under my belt & be starting my 9th year**

**There's a chance that I'll be on my 3rd school district**

**I hope I won't be living in the city anymore**

**I'll be buying or already own my own home...with or without a man**

**I'd like to be married though**

**I'd like to have a kid & be on #2**

**I may or may not still be blogging...oh hell I will be...my followers will probably be different though because I can definitely see it being a lot about my kids once those come along**

**I'll most likely still be in Texas because there's only 2 reasons I'd leave: marrying someone in another state or my parents AND brother move out west**

**Politically speaking our next president will already be having their first term come to an end & we'll be getting ready to vote that person or a new one in**

**My politicial beliefs aside (I don't identify as either of the main parties btw...) our president will be a Republican**

**I would love to have at least a hobby farm going on if not a larger one.  Cows...give me all the cows**

This I Promise You

Last week while talking to Kickass Cousin I kept naming things that I will never do when I have kids.  She asked me to make a blog post about it so that years down the road when I have kids there is written proof that I would never do the following:

1. Have a gender reveal party

A person already usually gets at least 2 baby showers...do you really need a whole separate party just to say "hey we're having a___"

2. Give my children's age in months once they are past a year old.

Your child is not 24 months...your child is fucking 2!

3. Weekly birth minute updates

Does one set an alarm for this? I will not stop my day at 10:43 am once a week just to be like "hey! my child is EXACTLY 25 weeks old today!"

4. Fruit comparisons

I'm going to give birth to a human...not a grapefruit.

5. Ultrasound profile pictures


6. Profile pictures that I'm not in


7. Weekly updates


8. Dozens of daily photos to Facebook


9. Albums that contain multiple photos that look exactly the same


10. Pictures of wounds & dirty diapers

(Sorry if this offends anyone who has done any of them...to each their own)


I am also aware that as a person who doesn't have kids, those who do have kids may find this annoying.  As a person who doesn't have kids...I can tell you that most people beyond family members don't care about every hourly update...


June Goals Check-in
1. Get a new job
That will have to be tabled for another year now.

2. Be able to do the splits
I honestly forgot this was a goal.

3. 30 day workout challenge.
Umm yes & no?  I got over halfway through all of them but the squats is the only one I finished the whole way through.  And in reality I had to stop doing squats over half way through because my knees suck so I switched it to a couple of other butt workouts but I still did the same numbers I was supposed to do.

4. Spend less on unnecessary things.
I don't know.  I have got to stop making money related goals unless I'm going to sit down & write everything out.  I keep track of my receipts & everything so I know what I have but I don't always know exactly what was purchased.

5. FMS Photo a day June
NAILED IT!

July Goals
1. FMS Photo a Day July

2. Be able to do the splits.

3. 30 Day Guns, Buns, Abs

I thought about doing the same one I had been doing...and might actually add in the sit-ups/planks from the last one but I'm at least doing this one for sure.

4. 75 in 31

5. Finish my AZ movie challenge.

The Forgotten Update

My last Air Force update was 3 weeks ago!  2 days after I last posted I finally got ahold of the recruiter.  Here's what I learned:

-Even though I was on the fence about going in as an officer, I learned I cannot.  Why?  Well because due to what I majored in (education) & the GPA I graduated with (2.7) I'm not even in the competition.  Competitive majors include those along the lines of engineering.  Competitive GPAs include those 3.5 & higher. 

-I still have the option of going in as enlisted & he said based on the questions he asked I sound very qualified.  However, there is a current wait list to ship out that is at minimum 6 months long.  Which means I wouldn't be able to ship out until December at the earliest.  (My mom talked to a co-worker who's daughter is also trying to go in & her wait list was even longer...like a year+ longer)

-He then told me to keep thinking about it until June & if I'm still interested call him when I get back to Minnesota.

I then called me mom & told her everything he said + my worries.

Verdict: I'm not doing it. 
I know I was hoping to leave in January however, knowing that it could be a lot longer than that worries me because I can't afford to not have a job really for even 6 months let alone even longer.  Yes, I could sub...which was my plan but that would be cutting it close enough.  So if I'm going to have to get a job possibly for a year anyway...I should just keep teaching instead of getting some sub or retail job that won't really pay the bills.

Also, the lack of freedom & knowing how often I like to try new things & new places was starting to freak me out.  There are so many places I want to visit...maybe even live & so many things that I like to randomly do that joining the Air Force wouldn't let me do.  Especially because for the first year+ I would be in almost constant training.

Finally, the fact that I would be nearly 30 when I had the option of getting out REALLY freaked me out.  I know I'm still young but I am ready to start figuring my shit out & I feel like I would almost be putting my life on hold until then.

So I'm going to give the teaching thing another shot.  I've been doing A LOT of research on other places...especially Georgia.  I'm going to be applying in smaller towns (20K & less...10K & less would be ideal but I can't get too picky just yet) in Texas, Georgia, & Tennessee.  I recently passed 1 out of 2 tests that I need to in order to get my Texas teaching license.  I take the 2nd test on April 3.  If I don't pass that one I'll still have another shot but I'm also going to apply in Minnesota since that's the only place I currently hold a long term teaching license.

I Want...

I'm single.  I know it.  You know it.  Basically everyone I know knows it.  I've been single for 837 days. 2 years 3 months 2 weeks.  I promise I haven't been keeping count ha.  I did an online calculator for a dramatic approach.  At first, I hated it.  Then, I loved it.  Now, I'm indifferent leaning towards ready for love.  However, I refuse to settle.  So what do I want in a guy?

I want
a man...not a little boy.
someone who will take me to church...even though I'm not entirely sold on organized religion.
someone taller than me...ok at least my height (5'10)...but preferably 6'0+
someone older than me...or my age...but not too old (24-28...23-30 if you're really perfect)
someone who wants kids...already having one isn't even a deal breaker anymore but I want 3-4
someone who is a little bit country..."cowboy" not a required profession.
someone who prefers country/small town living to the city/suburbs
someone who likes being outside
someone who will dance with me
someone who can make me laugh
someone who likes to travel
someone who can be spontaneous...& also a little predictable

The Future of America

Ladies & gentleman I give you actual instructions & actual questions asked by my students today.  This isn't even close to all of them but I assure you the rest aren't any brighter.

1. Open a word document. 

2. Answer the following three questions:
1. Do you consider yourself conservative, liberal, or moderate. (WHAT DO THESE MEAN? ... we spent all class period yesterday on it)2. List 3 of your political hot button issues (areas/topics you care most about) (what is hot button? ... I explained it right behind the word)3. Why are they "hot" for you (why are they important)

3. Choose 3 of the following political ideology tests to take: (what quizzes?! how many do we have to take?! ... 3 OF THE FOLLOWING!)Pew Research Center http://www.people-press.org/typology/quiz/?sr...
The Nolan Chart http://www.nolanchart.com/survey.php
Ideology Selector http://selectsmart.com/FREE/select.php?client...
The World’s Smallest Political Quiz http://www.theadvocates.org/quiz
How liberal or conservative are you http://www.blogthings.com/howliberalorconserv...
Political Ideology Quiz
http://quizfarm.com/quizzes/new/samuelrutledg...

4. For each of the 3 quizzes you take answer the following questions: (Wait so what do we write for each of the quizzes ... see below)1. Name of the quiz (the name of the quiz or the name of the website... NAME OF THE QUIZ)2. What were your results (does it pick my results for me?? ... no I'm having you take these quizzes just so you can pick at the end)3. How accurate do you think the test was? Explain.

5. After you finish all 3 quizzes answer the following:
1. Which quiz was the most accurate? Explain.
2. Which quiz was the least accurate? Explain.
3. What did you learn about yourself from taking these quizzes.

6. Save all responses to the word document & then submit by the end of the period. (How do I submit it!? ... the same way we submitted the rest...the big TURN IT IN BUTTON)

This is only my government classes.  I had the same simple instructions for my economics classes...their questions were just as bad ie. What's an excel spreadsheet? Where do I put the dates (it said put the date in the start & end boxes) 

I Might Just Cry...

...if I don't at the very least get to live in Colorado temporarily.  I have wanted to live there since the summer of 2009 and today while watching a documentary (that was actually about Wyoming & Montana) that want was reiterated ten fold.  Just the sight of the Rockies created a longing that made me want to cry.  I WILL live there someday.

Take A Look Ahead

In 31 days this year will be over.  One thing that I absolutely love about December, & others hate as my roommate has told me many times, is the look back at what major events have occurred over the year, top trends, top songs, etc.  I can assure you that as this month goes on there will be plenty of 2010 flashbacks, both personal and non-personal.  To start the month off tho I figured I'd take a look forward to see what exciting things the next year has for me.

Jan
-I start my 8th semester at SCSU.  This semester is basically going to be a make up for the past with mostly re-takes.
-I also get to help students out with research & such for History Day which is a national competition.

Feb
-I have a jewelry party to go to on the 5th.

Mar
-Spring Break! 2 of my roommates & I are going on a Man v. Food road trip.

Apr
-Easter.  I love holidays & getting together with family.

May
-The end of my senior year.
-I'm moving back to my parents' house.

Jun
-I really have no plans as of yet but it'll be summer & I won't have classes so I'm sure I'll find something.

Jul
-Basically the same as June.  I normally have Independence Day plans because that has always been Branden & I's holiday but this year a)he's gone & b)we aren't together.

Aug
-WeFest!!
-I start my finally year of school.

Sep
-No big plans except for school as Sep. is so far away.

Oct
-My golden birthday! (23)
-Halloween
-I go into the field for teaching

Nov
-Thanksgiving

Dec
-My last semester of classes.
-Christmas
I don't have a ton of huge plans for this next year yet exactly but it's sure to be an intense year.  I'm moving back to my parents', I have to apply to student teach, Branden is deploying, I need to make a decision on Ireland, closer to the end of the year I need to start looking seriously at where I would like to teach and move to, and I find out where I'll be student teaching...just to name a few.

October Has Arrived

I am very excited that it is finally October. October means my birthday! On the 23rd I will be turning 22. I am so in love with my birthday. So in love with it in fact that I have had planned what I want to do, where I want to eat, & where I want to stay since August. Yeah, that kind of birthday obsession.

October also means fall break. Finally a break from school. I am so in need of one. Even though that is my weekend to work so I can't do anything. All I care about is that it means that week I don't have to go to my least favorite class. I love fall semester because October has fall break, November has Thanksgiving break, & by mid December we are done for a month. Spring semester has spring break end of story.

I also have two weddings to go to this month. One is actually just a reception. I love weddings. This first one that I am going to though, I'm not entirely looking forward to. Branden & I weren't going to go because the girl is a complete & utter bitch. The guy is his friend though & text him asking if we were going to be there so Branden couldn't tell him no.

I am also potentially going to my first pub crawl ever. It is for the social studies department & it seems kind of fun but I also only REALLY know like one girl who is maybe going. There a a few others where I know who they are but I don't know them. I know I know, it would be a good way to meet people.

Goodbye September

Time keeps flying by! September has been... intense. I had a little, ok major, breakdown about school, work, and just my life in general. I'm ok again, for now anway. I was able to knock out 4 more weeks of school meaning I only have 10 left, well plus a week of finals. I am in desperate need for this semester to end. It's really just one class that I absolutely can't wait to have end.

Despite the stress and breakdown, I did have a lot of fun this month. I got to go to the state fair, Branden & I got to go on a little weekend getaway up north, I went to like my 2nd (maybe 3rd) college football game, won some money playing bingo, got to see my family, and started being more conscious about what I eat & working out.

So goodbye September. By the time we meet again I will be in my last year of college, living at home, going through a deployment, & who knows what else.

ISFJ

Due to the fact that I have no clue what I want to do with my future I took a test at careertest.net. My personality is ISFJ.

ISFJ's respect established authority and they tend to accept others’ opinions and desires as their own. In work situations, they provide a stable and standardized service. Disorderly situations and constantly changing rules can cause them undue stress. At these times ISFJ's need to be more assertive and direct because, owing to their kindheartedness and sensitivity, ISFJ's can be taken for granted and even taken advantage of. This can cause them to feel resentment and anger — feelings that the ISFJ has a tendency to deny. If the situation worsens and uncomfortable feelings build up, the ISFJ will begin to feel insecure about their status. Worrying that they are not secure or protected enough, they may become overprotective and excessively nervous about foreboding events. This can cause others to feel resistant or defiant which then contributes to the disorder of the situation.

If stress continues, the ISFJ will experience increasing anxiety. Their fear that things will continue to spin out of control will result in a general feeling of dread and apprehensiveness. They become both wary of change and unrelentingly pessimistic about the future. ISFJ's will eventually become immobilized by physical symptoms associated with their anxieties. Providing care for others will become secondary as their own bodily symptoms — resulting from their fears of abandonment — disable to such a degree that they cannot assume their responsibilities. Yet, abandoning service-orientated obligations prevents ISFJ's from accessing opportunities that allow them to fulfill their basic needs.

Yep that's pretty much me in a nutshell.

Careers That Fit Me:
counseling
ministry
library work
nursing
secretarial
curators
bookkeepers
dental hygienists
computer operator
personnel administrator
paralegal
real estate agent
artist
interior decorator
retail owner
musician
elementary school teacher
physical therapist
nurse
social worker
personnel counselor
alcohol/drug counselor

Goodbye August

Another month that has flown by incredibly fast. In 14 hours it will officially be over. It's definitely a bittersweet ending for me. I am excited that it's fall & all of the fun things that will be coming up. I am not as excited about school as I was before. In fact I could do without it which kind of scares me that I already feel that way 7 days in. I also am not excited that we are the much closer to snow & Branden leaving. Oh well all are inevitable. I was going to end this with some pictures of events that took place this month. Apparently this month was pretty chill though because the only pictures I have from this month are of my camping trip, see my last post.

So goodbye August, see you next year.

Day 30 - My Life Dreams & Goals

I want to get married.
I want 3 kids.
I want to see all 50 states.
I want to see as many countries as possible.
I want a career I love.
I want my friends & family to be happy.

Day 29 - Hopes Dreams Plans For The Next 365 Days

I will start with plans:
September 2010
~School
~A weekend getaway to Duluth & the Northshore with Branden
October 2010
~School
~I turn 22
~Wedding
~Halloween
November 2010
~School
~Thanksgiving
~Lia Sophia party
December 2010
~I finish the first semester of my senior year.
~Christmas
~New Years
January 2011
~I start the second semester of my senior year.
~Branden & I will celebrate our 5 year anniversary.
February 2011
~School
March 2011
~School
April 2011
~Deadline to apply to student teaching.
May 2011
~Finish senior year.
~Move back home.
~Branden leaves (as of now anyway)
June 2011
~Work
July 2011
~Work
August 2011
~Start my final year of college.
~WeFest

Hopes & Dreams:
I hope to do well in all of my classes this year.
I hope to get a student teaching placement not far from my hometown (no hour away please).
I hope to handle the deployment well.
I hope that I stay in touch with all of my college friends even though I'll be living an hour away.

Living In The Present

This is actually my third attempt at this post. I've been wanting to write it I just haven't known what to say. I guess I still don't but I'm just going to roll with it & see where it takes me.

Living in the now is something that I struggle with greatly. Between the past, present, & future, I'm usually trying to figure out the future. A large part of that comes from the fact that I'm a planner. It is just what I do. Sometimes on purpose, other times subconsciously.

Trips for example? I don't care who is going, where we're going, how long, or when we're going. I need to plan it. Need need need to. The where we're staying, how long we're driving, what we should see when we get there as well as along the way. My upcoming trip to Vegas (7/19-7/22) is the first time that I have let this go. Why? It's not really my trip. I'm just along for the ride. The odd thing is that I've always wanted to just get in my car & drive with no destination in mind. Sometimes that still crosses my mind & I get all excited. But then the practical side of me comes out & says that's just not smart, you need some sort of plan.

Other times, when it has nothing to do with trips or school or important things that should/need to be planned by a certain date, I find myself planning anyway. Such as my wedding, where I'll be living, working. Sure everyone thinks about those things... but I PLAN them. Granted it changes from time to time but I try to figure out where I'll be living when I graduate, where I'll be teaching, where Branden will be working, when a good time for us to get married is, EXACTLY how I want my wedding down to the stupid little details. Then I have to stop myself because I know I'm being ridiculous. The future isn't something you can plan. The future is unknown.

I am constantly looking at the teaching jobs that are posted on my college's website. I don't even graduate for two more years. Still I like to get an idea of how the teaching market is & if I'm going to need to move out of state or find a different job. If I were to graduate tomorrow for instance... I would definitely be moving out of state or getting a different job temporarily. I've also been bit by the baby & wedding bug again so of course I try to plan all of that. I plan so much that I drive myself crazy sometimes & just force myself to stop because I'm being unrealistic.

As far as the past goes... lately I've been feeling nostalgic. I keep driving by things or seeing thins that remind me of past events, high school mostly, & I think about how bad I wanted to get out, & while I wouldn't go back to high school for anything... I am beginning to miss it & how things were. Not that my life isn't great now, it definitely is. I love where things are in my life now. But sometimes, I just miss how fun & easy it was. I miss how carefree it was & the crazy things my friends & I got into.

I found this quote that I think pretty much sums up the past, present, & future:

"I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is"
-Alan Watts

...now if only I could actually remember that & try to enjoy the present more often.

30 before 30

Even though I have a 101 in 1001 list, I thought that I would create a list of 30 things that I would like to accomplish by the time I am 30. It was actually almost as hard coming up with 30 things by 30 as it was to come up with 101 things. I started this list almost a week ago & literally just finished minutes ago. If you would like to see my list it is linked at the top of the blog. If I didn't know that I had a passion for travel I sure do after making this list. I could have simply made this a list of 30 places I would like to see by the time I'm 30 & would have been done within minutes. A lot of it still has to do with travel but I figured I should throw in other goals as well.

A Little About Me

I AM:
~21 years old (Birthday Oct. 23)
~The oldest child out of 2 (I have a 17 year old brother)
~Dating the most amazing man ever (We have been together since Jan. 18, 2006)
~A military girlfriend (Branden joined the MN National Guard Aug. 1, 2007)
~A junior in college (I am pursuing a degree in secondary education & should be graduating Dec 2011)
~Obsessed with country music (The only two things I will not listen to though are techno & being screamed at)
~Way too organized and into planning for my own good. (I will plan things out as far out in advance as possible & create far too many lists)
~Excited to get engaged/married/start a family (But who knows when that'll actually happen)
~In love with traveling (I want to see as much of the world as possible)
~Blessed with amazing family & friends (They mean the world to me & I wouldn't trade any of them for anything)
~Really into photography (If I knew I could make a decent living I would pursue that instead)
~Into blogging but don't always feel my life is exciting enough (Hence the new blog, we'll see how well it goes)
~Living with 3 other girls (While I love them all sometime I miss living with guys)
~Obsessed with surveys (If you want to know anymore about me feel free to ask... I'm pretty open)