I Did A Thing - New Blog

 Last month I did a thing.  I started a new blog.  In my last post I made mention of doing it, but I hadn't actually started yet.  The day after I posted about it on this blog, I made my first post on my new blog.  As of today, Thursday August 5, I officially have 20 posts.  I'm not deleting this blog.  I've had it since 2009 & there's a lot of memories here.  However, I'm not going to use it anymore.  It's just going to be like an archive of journal posts for me.  I have updated my Bloglovin if you use that, but I'd love if you'd follow along with me & the next chapter of my life on my new blog:

Tumbleweed Vibes

Finding My Purpose: What Brings Me Joy

 I was cleaning out my bookmarks the other day & saw one called How to Find Your Purpose in Life.  Seeing as how I'm currently trying to figure out my life after having just quit my career, moving 1200 miles away, & leaving a relationship I thought was going to be my last, it seemed like a bookmark I should look into.  It had 4 overarching questions followed by 2 "to-dos."  I thought about just journaling them but then thought, why not blog them instead?!

The overarching questions:
1. What brings you joy
2. What makes you unique
3. What does your perfect life look like
4. How can you give back to the world

The to-dos:
1. Look for patterns
2. Write your purpose statement

What Brings Me Joy
-What activities make me happy
*Being outside - simply sitting in the sun, hiking, walking with Nash, etc*
*Listening to music*
*Spending time with friends/family that energize me - Mama, Daddy, Baby Bro, Becky, Kristie*
*Writing*
*Planning - events, vacations, posts, etc*
*Experiencing new places/things*

-What do I love to do
*Visit new places - cities, bars, restaurants, etc*
*Listen to music - especially live*
*Spend time with Nash, friends, family*

-What can I find myself doing for hours on end & not be tired
*Listen to music*
*Write*
*TikTok*
*Research/plan trips & new places*

-What were my favorite things to do or play as a child
*Perform dances - either for myself or family*
*Run around barefoot*
*Explore nature*
*Sing*

-What makes me come alive
*Coming up with new ideas*
*Learning new things*
*Seeing new places*
*Being in nature*

-What things have made me feel excited to get out of bed
*Having an adventure planned - whether extended or just for the day*
*Coffee & morning alone time*

The Next Chapter Starts Now

 I had a post started, well titled with no content, that I planned on writing & publishing 2 weeks ago when I got back to Minnesota.  The title was "Who Says You Can't Go Home" but then I never wrote it.  Then, I just enjoyed being home for a week.  Then, I went back to Texas with my mom to get the remainder of my stuff.  Then, I fell into a funk.  Well, actually the funk started as I was back in Houston.  

I didn't plan on writing today.  Yesterday I decided I needed to work myself out of this funk so I created a to do list.  One of those things was catch up on blogs (after I post this I'm off to read!)  One of the things was to create a blog plan.  However, start journaling & write a post for today were not on that list.  But then I sat there watching the sun come up & starting a journal seemed like a good idea.  And then publishing what I wrote in the journal seemed like a good place to start in my blog plan.  

I thought about titling this post "Monday Morning Coffee" because it is Monday after all & that's what every Monday post since January 7, 2019 has been titled.  But it didn't seem right.  This post isn't just a recap of my weekend.  It is straight up right out of my journal.  Once again, I won't make promises to post daily, weekly, or even monthly.  It's been nearly 6 weeks since I last posted.  That wasn't intentional but I refuse to force anything anymore.

That was a very long winded intro to what I came here to post:

I set lots of goals.  I start lots of goals.  I'm not always the best at finishing said goals.  So far 2021 has had some major life changes though: leaving Danny.  Living alone for the first time in 1.5 years.  Resigning from my job w/o a new one lined up.  Leaving Texas.  Moving back in with my parents.  Deciding to stop applying for full time teaching jobs.  These changes are good for me.  I know they are & there were decisions I made all on my own so I could can become the best version of myself can possibly be.  So I can find the good parts of myself I lost somewhere over the past couple of years.  So I can discover new parts of myself that will make my life even better.

Despite all of that I found myself in a funk.  While it's completely understandable & I wouldn't fault anyone for feeling the way I am if they were in my position, I need to get myself out of the funk before it spirals further.  The unknown is scary & I can feel it causing anxiety to rise & turn into depression.  So, it ends today.

If this year has taught me anything it's that healing & growth aren't linear.  I know there will still be hard days & somedays I might feel like I'm taking 3 steps back, but I need to make a conscience effort to keep moving forward.  So for at least the next 30 days, maybe longer, I'm going to tackle a daily to do list.  Some things will be constant like drink my water, read, gratitude journal, etc. & some things will vary day to day based on what needs to get done.  

The goal is to change my habits.  To create better habits.  To become the person I know I'm capable of being.  The perfectionist in me also wants to make it a goal to check off all of the items everyday.  However, that's not always going to be possible, & that's ok.  I'm going to give myself grace.  As long as I'm making an effort, whatever gets done gets done.  What doesn't can be let go or added to the next day.  No more sitting still.  The next chapter starts now.

When One Door Closes

 I didn't mean to disappear for a month again.  I actually even printed out a whole calendar with post ideas.  I was going to post about my trip to Fort Worth.  I was going to post about my friend coming to visit me in Houston.  I was going to write about weekly recaps.  I was inspired by Megan to keep it real & was going to write about weekly feelings.  I was going to participate in more link-ups.  But I was too tired after the first trip, & then my friend came to visit just a few days later, & then I felt behind, & then life happened, & now here we are.

A lot of people hate on 2020.  I had my fair shares of highs & lows in 2020.  But that's most years.  I know we're only 4.5 months in so there's still a lot to be seen for 2021, but I'd say so far 2021 has been a lot more challenging for me than 2020 was.  Not necessarily in bad ways, but definitely in big ways.

I wrote the following last night on notebook paper because I just needed to get my thoughts out.  But then I decided to put it here because a)keeping it real & b)one day I want to be able to look back & holding onto a notebook for forever isn't likely to happen.  So if you make it all the way through, shout out.  If not, that's totally ok.  It was a handful of pages & I don't expect anyone else to make it through my ramblings.

In 24 days I'm leaving Texas & this time I'm not coming back.  After 9.5 years I'm moving back to Minnesota.  I miss my family.  I miss my friends.  I need my support system.  Two years ago I was so ready to go home.  I tried my hardest, at the last minute, to get a teaching job.  I didn't & so I returned to Texas.  4 days later I met Danny & my life got flipped upside down.  I ignored every red flag, fell in love, changed my plans, & lost myself.  Almost 16 weeks ago to the day I left Danny & flipped the direction my life was heading yet again.  I tried finding me again.  I focused on myself, my friends, Nash.  I decided it was now or probably never & it was time to go back to MN.  I'm ready.  It's what I want.  It's what I need.  But as it gets closer I'm also getting sad.  I've only ever been an adult in Texas.  I've made a decade of memories, dozens of friends, & my own life here.  But at the end of the day I'm holding on because it's familiar & even though I spent my first 23 years in MN, moving back is new, different, & scary.

Yesterday I resigned from my job.  I have no job lined up.  I've had 2 interviews & didn't get either job.  I have another interview on Wednesday & I'm not giving up just yet.  However I can't help but think that maybe this is my sign.  I've thought about quitting teaching since my first year.  Hell, I actually almost changed my major about a year before I graduated.  I am torn between excitement & terror.  I know deep down I'm only applying to teaching jobs because it's safe.  I don't want to be a teacher.  It doesn't bring me joy.  I love the kids, but it doesn't make me happy.  I want to do something else.  I want to do something that gives me freedom.  I want to do something that lets me be creative.  I want to do something that allows me to work remotely.  At least part of the time.  I got my TX real estate license.  I'm working on my MN real estate license.  I signed up for classes to help me start my own virtual assistant career.  But at the end of the day I don't know that I'm sold on either.  

I'm 32 & have no idea what I want to do when I grow up.  And in 24 days I don't have a job.  And approximately 2.5-3 months later unless I figure it out I also no longer have an income.  I am both terrified & excited.  I know it's going to work out but I need to figure it out.  I have left 4 out of my 5 school districts with no other job lined up.  It has worked out one way or another every single time.  But I'm still at such a turning point in my life right now, closing some pretty big chapters, & I just wish I knew where to turn next & where to start looking.

I just want to be happy & not look back thinking I wasted my life doing things that I didn't love & made me unhappy more than happy just to survive day to day.  My anxiety is at an all time high again.  So much so that last week I found myself back in the ER again because my blood pressure was high again & I'm back on meds again.  I don't want to wish the next 3.5 weeks away.  I need that time.  I still have people I need to see.  But I also desperately need to be with my family again.  I also need to figure out my next move.  How does one figure out what they want to do with their life when they're pretty sure the job might not even exist, & even if it does it's definitely not conventional.

The silver lining: not only is the sky the limit at this point, but I only have 13.5 days left at my fake & toxic workplace!  When one door closes right? 

Things I Get To Do

Yesterday I shared a post from an idea I got from Steph last week, & today I'm sharing a post from an idea I got from other Steph last week!

I get to cook for other people, I don't have to.

I get to do laundry during the week, I don't have to.

I get to do the dishes throughout the day, I don't have to.

I get to put real clothes on, I don't have to.

I get to study multiple hours a day, I don't have to.

Danny & I get to live with his dad, we don't have to.

I get to let Nash in & out of the house 10x a day, I don't have to.

I get to wake up at 6:30 to start my day when Danny gets up to leave for work, I don't have to.

Goodbye January

The first month of 2020 is officially over & yet again, no blog posts.  That wasn't my intention.  I honestly had intentions of sitting down while still on Christmas break to type of some posts, & then again back on the 20th & cranking some out since I had the day off.  That obviously didn't happen & then before I knew it it was January 31st & I had nothing written or posted.  I *did* however manage to comment on a few posts...  I'd like to be able to promise I'll be around more in February but it's probably best I don't make promises I may not be able to keep.

Anyway, moving on...

When I last posted I was finishing up my last recap of 2019.  I had mentioned that I had had an interview for a marketing position at a real estate company & was waiting to hear back on if I would be getting a round 2 interview or not.  I suppose then that that's a good place to start my January recap:

-I DID get a 2nd round interview.  It was set for Monday January 6th & I did not go.  That's right, I didn't go.  Despite how badly I had wanted a marketing job, & to get out of teaching, I turned the interview down.  When the offer of the 2nd interview was set up, the salary range was also sent out.  To take that job would have meant a 15k-20k pay cut & that is not something that I can financially do at the moment.  Had the interview happened while still on break I probably would have still gone just for the experience.  However, it was the first day back of the 2nd semester & I wasn't about to waste a day off on a job I knew I wouldn't take even if I got it...

-On January 3rd my roommate & I signed the paperwork to terminate our lease early.  Our lease wasn't supposed to end until July 17th of this year.  We both knew however that we weren't going to be renewing when the time came & we both had other plans so we mutually agreed to start the process of getting out of our lease early.  As of today we have exactly one month left in our apartment, although we're both moving out sooner.

-Danny & I finally went to go visit our friends for the first time since we had helped them move back in the middle of December.

-My friend Tay & I had a much needed date & got our nails done.

-Danny & I went to go see Bad Boys For Life, which was really good, & the first movie I had seen in a theater in well over a year.

-Danny & I went on a little mid-week overnight getaway to Georgetown, TX where Danny fell head over heels in love with the town & we agreed that moving  there would be part of our 5 year plan.

-We started packing up stuff at the apartment & bringing it to the new place.  We're actually going to be moving in with his dad for a hot minute so that we can save up some money to buy/build our own place.  Bonus: Nash gets a backyard & a dog friend!

Looking back at January my calendar doesn't really have much on it, & I was only at work 17.5 days, but holy shit January 1st feels like forever ago...

It's Been Awhile

Remember on August 1st when I shared my goals & one of them was to blog every single day in August & then I didn't blog again until right now...

I actually didn't really complete any of those goals.  I'm also only really back because Jess sent me a message the other day on Instagram & told me I had to write an update lol.

I had set the following goals for August:

1. Start Transform20 again
Instead I cancelled my Beachbody On Demand altogether...

2. Get through 2 grad school classes
I also quit grad school... not only was I set back because of being in a new district & not having any data, I also realized just how much I actually hate teaching & have no desire to work on a degree that will only get me further in teaching...

3. Blog every day

4. Get my new apartment set up
I did do this one!

5. Get my new classroom set up
I found out the very next day that I wasn't actually going to be teaching US History but instead 9th grade World Geography so my theme & joy went right out the window... if you've read any of my posts about teaching you know just how much I HATE teaching 9th grade world geo...

6. No fast food
7. Meal plan/prep each week
8. Track spending
9. Restart a gratitude journal

10. Find a new hobby

I didn't really find a new hobby but pretty much right after I moved into my apartment I got myself a boyfriend & a group of friends to hang out with all the time sooo same difference.

Because it's been nearly 2 months since I last posted a blog post, it's also been 2 months since I last did a Currently post.  So what better, and easier, way to update ya'll on what I've been up to.

Accomplishing getting rid of things that no longer matter to me & are/were causing stress.

Buying mostly food...

Day Dreaming about no longer being a teacher.  Ya'll it's bad.  My new district isn't even bad.  I have been thinking about getting out of education for awhile but this year has just shown me just how much I actually dislike being a teacher.  I've been looking at non-teaching jobs since about day 18 of this school year...

Drinking lots of water

Eating "like a king" according to my roommate.  Mostly because I cook for Danny & I every night to every other night.  And because I have someone else to cook for rather than just myself, I put more of an effort into it.  This week for example I've made both pulled pork stuffed poblano peppers & pulled pork nachos.

Enjoying that my drive to work is now only 35 min instead of over an hour

Feeling grateful

Knowing that everything happens for a reason.  If you all remember, all the way up until about July 23 I was still holding out hope that I would get a teaching job in Minnesota & I wouldn't have to move back to Texas.  Ya'll I sobbed when I realized I was moving back to Texas.  I got ready to start my grad school classes August 1st so that I could finish by the end of January & be able to apply for jobs back in Minnesota.  But then I did move back to Texas & 4 days after I moved into my apartment I met Danny & we have basically been inseparable since.  He is everything I wanted & didn't know I needed.

Listening to a lot of Chris Young

Looking at Indeed.com pretty much daily.  If I was offered a job today that paid me at least what I'm making right now I would walk away tomorrow & not even feel bad...

Loving Danny

Making lots of new to me recipes

Needing a long break from work... and it's only the end of week 5.  Luckily there is a 4 day weekend coming up in October!

Waiting impatiently for next weekend when Danny & I are going out of town together for the first time for a wedding.

Wanting to get my refund from school so that I can pay off some debt.

Wearing a lot of dresses.  I'm still refusing to wear dress pants so that means I wear dresses 3 days a week to work & jeans the 2 days I'm allowed to wear jeans.  As soon as I get home though I'm in yoga pants & a tank top.

Wondering what kind of job I could get that would pay me at least the same amount that I am making now as a teacher but doesn't require a master's degree & I could preferably do from home at least some of the time.

My Co-Star

If you don't already follow Kerri's blog, or her Instagram, you need to be.

On her IG story she has been posting screenshots of notifications from an app called Co-Star.  I had to look it up because it seemed interesting.  It's basically personalized horoscopes.

"Unlike the broad and vague horoscopes you usually read in magazines, we take more than just your sun sign into account. We use a complete picture of the sky when and where you were born to generate hyper-personalizated horoscopes."

  Of course it isn't available for Android yet & I don't live the iPhone life.  If you do live the iPhone life you can download the app.  If you're like me & live the Android life, the app is coming!  Until then however, you can still get your personalized natal chart & then weekly personalized horoscopes sent to your email every Monday.

I'm usually not really into horoscopes for anything serious because they are so general & could apply to pretty much anyone at any point in time.  However, I wanted to see what my natal chart said about me & to see just how accurate I felt it was.  I think what it says about me is pretty accurate.  

The following probably won't be very interesting to anybody but me, since it's just about me, but here is my natal chart.

Sun in Scorpio

The sun determines your ego, identity, & "role" in life.  It's the core of who you are, & is the sign you're most likely to already know.  Your Sun is in Scorpio, meaning you have a fundamental urge to get to the bottom of things, which can at times lead you to be manipulative or power-hungry, but it comes down to an intense passion for authenticity, real intimacy, & the truth.  It's in your eleventh house, meaning you feel the need to distinguish yourself from others through social status, including platonic & casual friends, along with your hopes, wishes, & dreams.

Ascendant in Sagittarius

Your ascendant is the "mask" you present to people.  It can be seen in your personal style & how you come off to people when you first meet.  Some say it becomes less relevant as you get older.  It changes every two hours, so if it doesn't make sense, text your mom to confirm your birth time.  Your Ascendant is in Sagittarius, meaning you come across as independent, optimistic, & confident, though sometimes overly blunt or critical.  Generally a charming conversationalist, your free-spirited approach may come off as restless or easily bored.

Moon in Aries

The moon rules your emotions, moods, & feelings.  This is likely the sign you most think of yourself as, since it reflects your personality when you're alone or deeply comfortable.  Your moon is in Aries, meaning your emotional self is independent, energetic, & enthusiastic.  You have a tendency to feel inadequate & overcompensate just because failure is a possibility.  It's in your fourth house, meaning you find security & safety through your home & family.

Mercury in Libra

Mercury determines how you communicate, talk, think, & process information.  It also indicates how you learn.  It is the mind's planet.  Your Mercury is in Libra, meaning your intellect sees both sides to every situation.  You're a charming & diplomatic relativist searching for balance in every set of ideas, though this may come off as insincere or indecisive.  It's in your tenth house, meaning you are curious about & inclined to analyze your career, your place in the world, what you have & will accomplish.

Venus in Virgo

Venus determines how & what you love.  It indicates how you express affection & the qualities you're attracted to.  Your Venus is in Virgo, meaning your romantic side is hyper-analytical -- you over-analyze everything & will hide your feelings until you feel absolutely certain.  You can be a bit nitpicky & controlling, but it comes out of the thoughtfulness & care for the other.  It's in your ninth house, meaning that for you, love is often expressed in philosophy, faith, education, politics, & travel.

Mars in Aries

Mars is the planet of aggression.  It determines how you assert yourself, take action, & the energy that surrounds you -- particularly in your sex life, your ambitiousness, & when you're angry.  Your Mars is in Aries, meaning you assert yourself in a way that is to the point & impulsive.  You love to make things happen & you push things forward with energy & enthusiasm.  You have a short temper, but are quick to forgive.  The bravest sign of the zodiac.  It's in your fourth house, meaning you put a lot of energy into your home & family.

Jupiter in Gemini

One of the two social planets, Jupiter rules idealism, optimism, & expansion.  It's also very philosophical.  Your Jupiter is in Gemini, meaning you grow & find understanding through curiosity, mental adventure, & trying new things.  It's in your seventh house, meaning you find success through your close relationships & long-term partnerships.

Saturn in Sagittarius

The other social planet, Saturn rules responsibility, restrictions, limits, boundaries, fears, & self-discipline.  Your Saturn in Sagittarius, meaning you struggle with restlessness, self-questioning, boredom, & your bluntness.  It's in your first house, meaning you have had difficulties with your self & self-image -- &, because it's in your first house, your Saturn in Sagittarius, is hyper-present in your personality.

Uranus in Sagittarius

Uranus stays in each sign for seven years, meaning it rules a generation more than a person.  It rules innovation, rebellion, & progress.  Your Uranus is in Sagittarius (Nov 1981-Nov 1988), meaning other generations are shocked by the boundaries your generation are pushing, along with your restlessness & criticism.  It's in your first house, meaning that for you, this manifests in rebelling against dated expectations about your self & self-image -- &, because it's in your first house, your Uranus in Sagittarius is hyper-present in your personality.

Neptune in Capricorn

Neptune stays in each sign for around fourteen years, meaning it rules a generation more than a person.  It rules dreams, imagination, & the unconscious.  Your Neptune is in Capricorn (1984-1998), meaning your entire generation finds inspiration through hard work, responsibility, seriousness, & ambition.  It's in your first house, meaning that for you, this manifests in your ideal -- verging on unrealistic & impractical -- about your self & self-image -- and, because it's your first house, your Neptune in Capricorn is hyper-present in your personality.

Pluto in Scorpio
Pluto stays in each sign for up to thirty years, meaning is rules a generation more than a person.  It rules power, intensity, obsession, & control.  Your Pluto is in Scorpio (Nov 1983-Nov 1995), meaning your generations psyche is comparatively passionate, intense, serious, private, self-obsessed, & perceptive.  It's in your twelfth house, meaning you personally are transforming outdated expectations of privacy, secrets, & introspection.

Monday Morning Coffee Vol. 3

It has been 7 weeks since I did my last Monday Morning Coffee.  A 1.5-2 month hiatus is NOT what I had in mind when I said there was changes coming to the blog.  So in hopes of bringing the hiatus to an end, how about a little Monday Morning Coffee!

**This morning I'm drinking out of my "MN Effing Nice" mug my friend got me from a cute little Etsy Shop called Minnesota Nice Enough.  It's not all MN specific & you should definitely check it out! (It's not my friend's shop FYI... I don't know the owners.)

**Life the past 2 months has been way too busy & I'm putting a stop to it.  I'm cutting out the things that no longer serve me so that I can bring back the things I do love and miss (aka blogging) as well as just have more me time**

**Health insurance in Texas is a joke, at least if you're a teacher.  A couple of weeks ago I went BACK to the doctor because I was still struggling to breathe & it cost me a $260 co-pay to go in.  I haven't even gotten the bill yet for the chest x-ray & such they did to see if I had pneumonia or bronchitis.  Turns out I just had a sinus infection.  Which I had just been there 3 weeks prior & had a $170 co-pay for a different doctor to tell me "oh it's probably just allergies..."**

**I have some vague news, which I am aware is annoying lol, that is a big release of stress for me, but is going to make others not so happy.  I thought about, and started typing out what it was, but I haven't told them yet & I'm not 100% sure who all does & doesn't read my blog**

**I have a date tonight!**

**This is the last week of school before spring break & I am on cloud effing 9!  My 10th graders are just taking a test, my seniors just took a test, & we got an email over the weekend saying that if we donated to our "Excellence in Education" fund we can wear jeans every single day for the rest of the year.  Done & done!**

**I'm going to talk more about goals in an upcoming post, but I'm throwing some of those out as well!  March is 100% going to be a spring cleaning of my life**

**District games started for softball last week.  During the pre-season the girls won 3 games, which is 2 more than they won last year.  They also played their first full 7 inning district game last week, which is a first for them in I don't know how long.  There are still a lot of things to improve on but we'll see how the next 7-13 weeks go!**

**I missed blogging.  There were time though when it almost felt easier to just say screw it & completely throw in the towel because I had been gone so long.**

**There will still be changes coming to my blog, better than the disappearing act changes, but because of some of the stuff I'm cutting out of my life, they won't be exactly what I had had in mind at the beginning of the year**

**For the first time since moving to Texas 7 years ago I had to miss my annual trip to San Antonio to go to the rodeo with my friend Robyn because the day before the mechanic told me I needed new bearings on my tires & the parts wouldn't be in until a few days later**

**I'm over the weather.  I know it's colder in Minnesota (real feel of -9 in my hometown) but it's cold here too!  There is currently a real feel of 6.  This is not what I had in mind when I moved to Texas.  Granted when I moved to Texas I moved to the Houston area...  Which is still cold might I add!  Just not as cold (26 for anyone that cares)**

**I went out with a friend/coworker on Saturday night & we had such high hopes of being young & fun.  We talked about possibly dancing or going to a piano bar.  Instead we wound up sitting at a sports bar & called it a night at 11:30.  Not going to lie, that was a-okay with me.  #OldSoul**

Happy Monday everyone!  Linking up with Biana!  (Lord I've missed typing that!)

5 Tips For Reaching Your Goals

Happy Friday!  I hope that this week treated you well & that you have a fantastic weekend!

This coming Sunday is "Make Your Dreams Come True" Day.  I'm obviously all about that with my new approach to 2019!  On Wednesday I posted my vision board, which for the record, the day after I made it & a few hours after posting it, one partially came true!  BEHOLD THE POWER OF THE VISION BOARD!

So without further ado, here are 5 tips to help you reach those goals!

1. Make SMART goals
Specific
Measurable
Achievable
Realistic
Timely

2. Be true to YOU
Set goals because YOU want to achieve them.  Not because it's what you think would make others happy or because it's what society expects from you.

3. Know your WHY
You need to know WHY the goal is important to you & WHY you want to accomplish it.  If you don't know why it's important to you, you're not likely to achieve it.

4. Track your performace
Whether that's daily, weekly, monthly, whatever works for you.  Keep track of your progress.  Seeing how far you've come already is great motivation to keep you going.

5. Celebrate!
No matter what the end goal is, & no matter how small you think your achievement is, celebrate it!  Say your goal is to run a 5k & you haven't run in years, or ever!  Celebrate that first solid minute of running!  Heck, celebrate the first time you lace up your tennis shoes & get to it!  Be proud of your accomplishments & keep doin the damn thing!

Dear 40 Year Old Bri

Bri,

Welcome to 40!  Does this mean we're over the hill now?  Or is that 50?  I don't recall.  Either way, I hope you're still rockin it!  I know we've already acted old for quite some time but please don't be acting OLD old.  While overall I really just hope that you're happy & #LivingYourBestLife, are hashtags still a thing??  Here are a few things I wouldn't mind having accomplished by now:

-Quit teaching & have a new career you actually love
-Be married
-Have kids
-Own a home
-Have the ability to travel often, aka more than just home for the holidays & maybe once a year
-Have visited states/countries I haven't yet #CrossOffThatBucketList

I guess that's it really.  Mostly I really do just hope that at 40 we're doing what makes us happy & not worrying about the small things.  Oh, I hope that debt is taken care of...  #Yikes!

Love,

30 Year Old Bri

PS #SorryNotSorry for the hashtags, feel free to want to punch younger you in the face...  I feel ya, I want to smack some sense into younger us as well...

Dear 20 Year Old Bri

Dear Bri,

Welcome to your 20's!  You are officially no longer a teenager!  This next decade is going to be quite the adventure.  Enjoy every single moment of it.  You're going to make mistakes, lots of mistakes.  But some of those mistakes are going to lead to really exciting & good things too!  You're going to get your heart broken more than what seems like your fair share, but you're going to break a couple of hearts too.  It's okay.  Try not to dwell on the mistakes & the heartbreak.  Instead, remember all of the important things you learn from each of these events.  Enjoy the random trips, love the time you get to spend by yourself, make the big scary life changes, & don't worry so much about what other people think of you & your decisions.  Not knowing what you want to do with your life or where you want to be is okay.  Try not to focus so much on that though & just take life as it comes.  I'm sorry to report that you still won't have that all figured out at 30 either but that's just fine!  That's what makes life a spontaneous adventure!  You are going to rock your 20s!  You're going to meet some great people that become intensely important to your life.  You are going to see places that change your life.  You are going to do things that you never imagined you would or thought possible.  This is your time to grow!

Love,

30 year old Bri

Thirty Flirty & Thriving

Today is my 30th birthday!

Because I took last Friday off to go to a cabin in Arkansas for the weekend, I'm working today.

While I certainly enjoyed my 20s, I've been looking forward to 30 for a couple of years now.  I am so excited to see what this next decade brings.

Here are 20 things my 20s taught me:

1. It's okay to be selfish sometimes

2. Sometimes poor choices lead to great things

3. You can't fix other people

4. Actions really do speak louder than words

5. Hangovers get exponentially worse after 25

6. Falling for the wrong guy is okay, just don't fall for the same wrong guy more than once

7. Life isn't going to turn out like you think it will or want it to when you want it to

8. Garth Brooks got it right when he said "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers"

9. Taking the trip is always worth it

10. What other people think of you very rarely matters

11. Walking away from someone or something that no longer makes you happy is always the right thing to do no matter how hard it seems

12. Having a few solid friends who are like family is way more important than being friends with everyone

13. Saying no is okay...

14. ...so is saying yes

15. Puppy cuddles & coffee fix everything

16. Ask for help

17. Never apologize for who you are or how you feel

18. ...and never change who you are for anyone

19. Your mom was right... about everything

20. It's okay to start over at any point in time

Your Story Isn't Over Yet

Originally I was going to link up with Andrea today for the Fall Fashion Frenzy.  The theme this week is favorite jeans & I am that psychopath that lives in jeans.  Like I have slept in jeans & will relax on the couch in jeans.  I. LOVE. JEANS!  However, I didn't really have anything prepared, and even though I did take a picture in my favorite jeans this morning, I still wasn't motivated to create a whole post about it.  You should definitely still check out Andrea's post & The Blended Blog link-up because again, jeans are life!

For the record my favorite pair of jeans are Ariat brand that I got on major sale at Cavenders.  They're super comfy, boot cut, & make my butt look great.

Short story long I decided I just wasn't going to post today because I only had a half ass post about jeans.  But then I was reminded on Instagram that it was World Mental Health today & I was reminded about M's post about how she does self care & Teh Megan's post about accepting your struggle & I wanted to share a little as well.

I try to keep it pretty real on here on a regular basis so it's no secret that a couple weeks ago I started seeing a therapist.  She is awesome.  I have struggled with anxiety since at least high school if not longer.  High school is just when it became more apparent.  There was a point in college, my sophomore year when I was living with an ex-boyfriend, when it got really bad.  I had contemplated off & on since then about going to see someone.  That's nearly a decade of contemplating.  I've always been able to calm myself down eventually though & so I never went in.  Finally this year I decided what the hell.  I wanted/needed to talk to someone because I have been feeling extra stuck.  I don't know where I want to live, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, I'm not hating my life but I'm not loving it either.  When it comes to the major things I was/am feeling like I'm just going through the motions.  I go to work because I have to & there are parts/people I like but I certainly don't love it.  I live where I live because it's cheap & a nice area but it's not even remotely the type of place I'd like to be.  So I decided I needed help talking through all of my options.  Staying in education, getting out of education.  Staying in my district, going to a new district.  Staying in the DFW area or going back to Houston.  Staying in Texas or going back to MN.  There are pros & cons to all of them and my inability to make a decision had been making my anxiety go bonkers.

So after a decade plus of taking care of my anxiety on my own, here are some of my favorite ways to decompress & bring myself back down to Earth:

-Listen to music, LOUD

-Dance around my apartment like a crazy person...bonus points if Nash is willing to dance with me

-Nash cuddles

-Getting in my car and driving... on the open road (traffic just makes me stabby)

-Windows down, music up

-Closing my eyes & breathing

-Calling my mama or daddy

-Going for a walk

-Writing

-Planning things.  It doesn't matter what (a hypothetical trip, different career paths, how to make a move work... planning is my jam)

-Get shit done.  AKA distract myself by being productive (dishes, laundry, cleaning)

-Drink coffee or tea

40 Semi-Interesting Facts About Me

It's a slow week over here with nothing much to report.  I wasn't going to blog, then I thought about stealing Steph's "50 Facts About Me", & then as I was getting ready for bed I saw one of my old bosses posted these 40 questions on Facebook.  Winner winner chicken dinner.  You get to learn random things about me & I don't have to think.

1. Do you like bleu cheese? Only when it's in olives

2. Coke or Pepsi? Neither.  

3. Where is the last place that you flew in a plane? Minnesota

4. What is your favorite dessert? Cheesecake.  But no bake cheesecake.

5. What do you think of hot dogs? I love hot dogs. 

6. Favorite Show? I don't watch anything current that's on because I only have Netflix.  I loved Friday Night Lights though.

7. Favorite movie genre? Based on a true story sports movies

8. What do you drink in the morning? Coffee.  LOTS of coffee.

9. Do you have an exercise routine? No.  I need one though.

10. Favorite jewelry? I don't wear jewelry.  The only thing I always have on is my belly button ring because I never think about it & it's just there...

11. Favorite hobby? Eating, driving, driving to new places to eat.

12. Do you have ADD? It's not diagnosed but I'd say yes.  However, I'd also say that it's over-diagnosed & everyone is a little ADD.

13. Do you wear glasses? Yes

14. Favorite cartoon character? I don't have one?

15. Three things you did yesterday? Went on a date, started season 8 of Hawaii Five-O, chilled with Nash.

16. Planner or laissez-faire? Planner

17. Current worry? Budgeting

18. Optimist or pessimist? Realist?  I'd say I lean towards optimistic but I am fully aware that some things are shit & life isn't all sunshine & roses.

19. Favorite place to go? I love Colorado & Minnesota but Chicago & New Orleans are my favorite cities.

20. How did you bring in the New Year? On my couch with Nash.

21. Where would you like to go? Boston.

22. Favorite ethnic food? Mexican.

23. Color that you wear the most? Black.

24. Favorite art style? Modern?  I honestly don't know.

25. Favorite decor style? Modern rustic.

26. Pineapple on pizza? Pineapple has no business being anywhere.

27. Do you love costumes? Yes.

28. Favorite exercise? I don't have one.  I don't like exercising.  When I was doing it consistently I didn't actually hate running, & goat yoga was a blast, but I don't workout so...

29. What's in your pockets? I don't currently have any.  Usually nothing or chapstick though.

30. Last thing that made you laugh? Nash.

31. Favorite animal? Cows.  It used to be penguins.

32. What veggie do you detest? I don't think there are any.

33. Favorite author? Lord I'm boring.  I don't really stick to one author.  If a book sounds interesting I grab it.  The authors are usually all over the place.

34. Worst pain ever? I luckily have never broken anything or had any major injuries.

35. Do you like to dance? I do.

36. Favorite type of chips? Takis.

37. Do you enjoy camping? Yes.  I miss it so much!

38. Can you drive a stick-shift? No, I wish I could.

39. Are you in a relationship? Single AF.

40. How many kids do you have? 0.

Dirt Roads & Tadpoles

I grew up on 1.5 mile stretch of dirt road 5 miles east of a town that is 20 miles from the nearest Walmart.  I loved it.  I don't think I thoroughly realized how great I had it until I left.  That's always the way it goes though right?  I've known for a long time that suburban/urban life is not for me.  As in pretty much the second I left to go to college.  I have been trying to move back to a small town and live in the country since I moved to Texas 6.5 years ago to start my teaching career & my "adult life."

This last time I was home though it hit me really hard.  It was the tadpoles that did it.  I was taking Nash for a walk down the dirt road when I saw dozens of tadpoles in the puddles that had formed in the ditch because of all of the rain.  All I could think about was how badly I wanted to be able to share that magic with my future kids someday.  I want my kids to get to catch tadpoles, to lick the salt block in the pasture just to see what it tastes like.  I want my kids to collect umpteen precious rocks in their pockets, to get to see the miracle of birth whether it be a calf or a chicken.  I want my kids to be able to lay on the ground & see the stars at night, to try to catch lightning bugs in a jar.  I want my kids to experience the magic that is growing up in the country and in a small town.

Houston

A couple of weeks ago I read a post by Meg entitled New York.  I felt that post so deeply.  It's the same way I feel about the first place I lived post college.  So here is my version of Meg's post.

I miss my park.  I miss my neighbor lady who named & would water my sunflower when I was gone.  I miss lazy weekends at antique stores.  I miss living within walking distance of the best happy hour margaritas.  I miss having my shit together.  I miss being almost carefree.  I miss dancing.

For someone who was so ready to leave, there is actually a lot I miss about living in Houston.  But it's not really Houston, it's that chapter in my life.  It's a place that even if I moved back, it wouldn't be the same.  There's actually a question I'll be answering on the blog about "chapters in my life."  Houston alone could be split into two very distinct chapters, potentially even three.  The last chapter of Houston would explain why I was ready to leave.  99% of the above, among other things, stopped existing in the last chapter.

I love my job, I love my friends, I love Nash, I love how much there is to do in the DFW area.  But sometimes, just sometimes, I would give anything just to go back to the early chapter(s) of who I was & what my life was like in Houston.  Even if only for just a moment.