Last week while talking to Kickass Cousin I kept naming things that I will never do when I have kids. She asked me to make a blog post about it so that years down the road when I have kids there is written proof that I would never do the following:
1. Have a gender reveal party
A person already usually gets at least 2 baby showers...do you really need a whole separate party just to say "hey we're having a___"
A person already usually gets at least 2 baby showers...do you really need a whole separate party just to say "hey we're having a___"
2. Give my children's age in months once they are past a year old.
Your child is not 24 months...your child is fucking 2!
3. Weekly birth minute updates
Does one set an alarm for this? I will not stop my day at 10:43 am once a week just to be like "hey! my child is EXACTLY 25 weeks old today!"
4. Fruit comparisons
I'm going to give birth to a human...not a grapefruit.
5. Ultrasound profile pictures
6. Profile pictures that I'm not in
7. Weekly updates
8. Dozens of daily photos to Facebook
9. Albums that contain multiple photos that look exactly the same
10. Pictures of wounds & dirty diapers
Your child is not 24 months...your child is fucking 2!
3. Weekly birth minute updates
Does one set an alarm for this? I will not stop my day at 10:43 am once a week just to be like "hey! my child is EXACTLY 25 weeks old today!"
4. Fruit comparisons
I'm going to give birth to a human...not a grapefruit.
5. Ultrasound profile pictures
6. Profile pictures that I'm not in
7. Weekly updates
8. Dozens of daily photos to Facebook
9. Albums that contain multiple photos that look exactly the same
10. Pictures of wounds & dirty diapers
(Sorry if this offends anyone who has done any of them...to each their own)
I am also aware that as a person who doesn't have kids, those who do have kids may find this annoying. As a person who doesn't have kids...I can tell you that most people beyond family members don't care about every hourly update...
June Goals Check-in
1.Get a new job
That will have to be tabled for another year now.
2.Be able to do the splits
I honestly forgot this was a goal.
3. 30 day workout challenge.
Umm yes & no? I got over halfway through all of them but the squats is the only one I finished the whole way through. And in reality I had to stop doing squats over half way through because my knees suck so I switched it to a couple of other butt workouts but I still did the same numbers I was supposed to do.
4. Spend less on unnecessary things.
I don't know. I have got to stop making money related goals unless I'm going to sit down & write everything out. I keep track of my receipts & everything so I know what I have but I don't always know exactly what was purchased.
5. FMS Photo a day June
NAILED IT!
July Goals
1. FMS Photo a Day July
I am also aware that as a person who doesn't have kids, those who do have kids may find this annoying. As a person who doesn't have kids...I can tell you that most people beyond family members don't care about every hourly update...
June Goals Check-in
1.
That will have to be tabled for another year now.
2.
I honestly forgot this was a goal.
3. 30 day workout challenge.
Umm yes & no? I got over halfway through all of them but the squats is the only one I finished the whole way through. And in reality I had to stop doing squats over half way through because my knees suck so I switched it to a couple of other butt workouts but I still did the same numbers I was supposed to do.
4. Spend less on unnecessary things.
I don't know. I have got to stop making money related goals unless I'm going to sit down & write everything out. I keep track of my receipts & everything so I know what I have but I don't always know exactly what was purchased.
5. FMS Photo a day June
NAILED IT!
July Goals
1. FMS Photo a Day July
2. Be able to do the splits.
3. 30 Day Guns, Buns, Abs
I thought about doing the same one I had been doing...and might actually add in the sit-ups/planks from the last one but I'm at least doing this one for sure.
4. 75 in 31
5. Finish my AZ movie challenge.
Im laughing so hard at this... particularly the months thing! 24 months is 2 people!! My sister does this as well! I understand the fruit comparisons though .. all the apps and things compare the size to fruits!
ReplyDeleteDude. Number 1. I swear to god I slapped my hands on my legs and was all "OMG I KNOW RIGHT!!!!!!!!"
ReplyDeleteSee, a long time, old friend of mine invited me to her daughters gender reveal. 45 minutes away from me. A fucking gender reveal. My husband asked "ummm wtf is the point? Just go to the stupid shower". Not to mention she kept calling me to REMIND me that I need to come. And that I need to bring my 3 year old. And that they're serving Sangria and fruit and just having a good ol time....
Fuck. That.
A - I ain't hanging around a bunch of bitches I don't know. B - I ain't drinking and driving and C - I sure as shit ain't bring my young child to some chick hang out so I can be stuck watching my own kid. PLUS.. I ain't drinking and driving WITH my child. WTF!
Jesus Christ you have hit the nail on every single head on this post. I am a mom of 2. I don't do ANY of this. There's this girl on my IG who is newly pregnant. I shit. you. not. she posts a fucking selfie EVERYDAY of a NO EXISTENT baby bump. OMG... I am just gonna unfollow her.
Thank you for this post. SERIOUSLY.
Hahaha yes enough with the damn fruit already! And I totally agree with the gender reveal. Just post that on facebook and I will be equally happy, I promise! I would add to the list breastfeeding and potty training woes... no one wants to read about that, especially not your child in 20 years!
ReplyDeletelol yes to all of these, especially the dirty diapers - or when people post photos of their kid on the potty. i get that you're excited you don't have to change diapers anymore, but do you mind?!
ReplyDeleteSeriously this post just cracked me up!
ReplyDeleteDirty diapers??? Ain't nobody need to see that! I'm glad none of my friends have posted that crap (haha) on Facebook yet!
ReplyDeleteHahahahah... I actually LIKE fruit comparisons!
ReplyDelete10:43 am is assuming you have a considerate child. Only one of mine was that considerate. Adan was at like 10:20 at night, Audri was nice at like 5:30 in the evening, Ethan was at 5:20am. Eff that birth minute picture!
ReplyDelete