The 5 Love Languages

I took the 5 Love Languages test a couple of years ago.  As the name suggests there are 5 different categories: Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, & Words of Affirmation.  The highest you can score in any given category is 12.

When I took the test a couple of years ago, my top love language was Quality Time.  This hasn't changed.  I didn't expect it to either as spending time with people is what's most important to me.  The rest however, did change.  Not only the order, but the importance as well.

2017 me:

11 Quality Time
10 Words of Affirmation
5 Physical Touch

4 Acts of Service

0 Receiving Gifts

2019 me:

12 Quality Time

7 Acts of Service

5 Words of Affirmation

4 Physical Touch

2 Receiving Gifts

Basically, I'm less concerned now with you TELLING me how you feel.  I need you to SHOW me how you feel.  Whether that be spending time with me (preferred) or doing little things to help me out.  Words don't mean much if there is nothing there to back it up.

What is your love language?

I'm A Servant - What Enneagram Type Are You?

I am a sucker for personality tests.  I love learning more about not only myself, but reading about others as well.  What makes people tick, what types of people get along best vs what types of people should avoid each other if can be, what career paths are best for certain types of people, how different people love, see the world, etc.

Awhile back my friend/coach Brittany posted about the Enneagram test & I obviously had to take it.  I then saw it blow up on social media as the new in test.  Seeing as how I just took the Myers-Briggs test not that long ago, & this is the lastest trending personality test, it seemed like a good place to start on my theme of "Transform" for the year.  Especially with the first sub-topic being mindset.  What better way to understand & transform the way I think than by first learning more about my personality & then using that knowledge in my favor.

I used Eclectic Energies to find out my type.

My Enneagram Type is a 2 with 1 being my wing, aka 2w1

Type 2 is also known as "The Helper."  When the 1, "The Reformer," becomes the wing, the 2w1 type is known as "The Servant" or "The Altruist."

Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.

So how does knowing that help me to "Transform my mindset?"

Personal Growth Recommendations

for Enneagram Type Twos

• First and foremost, remember that if you are not addressing your own needs, it is highly unlikely that you will be able to meet anyone else's needs without problems, underlying resentments, and continual frustration. Further, you will be less able to respond to people in a balanced way if you have not gotten adequate rest, and taken care of yourself properly. It is not selfish to make sure that you are okay before attending to others' needs—it is simply common sense.
• Try to become more conscious of your own motives when you decide to help someone. While doing good things for people is certainly an admirable trait, when you do so because you expect the other person to appreciate you or do something nice for you in return, you are setting yourself up for disappointments. Your type has a real danger of falling into unconscious codependent patterns with loved ones, and they almost never bring you what you really want.
• While there are many things you might want to do for people, it is often better to ask them what they really need first. You are gifted at accurately intuiting others' feelings and needs, but that does not necessarily mean that they want those needs remedied by you in the way you have in mind. Communicate your intentions, and be willing to accept a "no thank you." Someone deciding that they do not want your particular offer of help does not mean that they dislike you or are rejecting you.
• Resist the temptation to call attention to yourself and your good works. After you have done something for others, do not remind them about it. Let it be: either they will remember your kindness themselves and thank you in their own way or they will not. Your calling attention to what you have done for them only puts people on the spot and makes them feel uneasy. It will not satisfy anyone or improve your relationships.
• Learn to recognize the affection and good wishes of others, even when these are not in terms that you are familiar with. Although others may not express their feelings in a way that you want, they may be letting you know in other ways how much they care about you. If you can recognize what others are giving you, you will rest more easily in the knowledge that you really are loved. Love is always available but only to the degree that we are present and therefore receptive to it.

I want to know what your Enneagram type is!  And how do our types mesh together?  Let me know!

The Consul - It's Who I Am

About 1.5-2 years ago I took the Myers-Briggs personality test & got INFJ.  Last weekend though when I went to my therapy appointment she had me take the test again.  This time around I got ESFJ.  This weekend when I go we're going to talk more about what that means & how to use that information to help me manage stress & what not.

Best Occupations for ESFJ

-Corporate Trainer

-Optometrist

-Special Education Teacher

-Nurse

-Dietitian

-Real Estate Agent

-Office Manager

-Advertising Sales Agent

-Receptionist

-Buyer

Famous Consuls You May Know
-Bill Clinton
-Taylor Swift
-Jennifer Garner

-Steve Harvey

-Danny Glover

-Jennifer Lopez

-Sally Field

-Tyra Banks

Strengths

• Strong Practical Skills – ESFJs are excellent managers of day-to-day tasks and routine maintenance, enjoying making sure that those who are close to them are well cared for.
• Strong Sense of Duty – People with the ESFJ personality type have a strong sense of responsibility and strive to meet their obligations, though this may sometimes be more from a sense of social expectations than intrinsic drive.
• Very Loyal – Valuing stability and security very highly, ESFJs are eager to preserve the status quo, which makes them extremely loyal and trustworthy partners and employees. ESFJs are true pillars of any groups they belong to – whether it is their family or a community club, people with this personality type can always be relied upon.
• Sensitive and Warm – Helping to ensure that stability, ESFJ personalities seek harmony and care deeply about other people’s feelings, being careful not to offend or hurt anybody. ESFJs are strong team players, and win-win situations are the stuff smiles are made of.
• Good at Connecting with Others – These qualities come together to make ESFJs social, comfortable and well-liked. ESFJ personalities have a strong need to "belong", and have no problem with small talk or following social cues in order to help them take an active role in their communities.

Weaknesses

• Worried about Their Social Status – These Strengths are related to a chief Weakness: ESFJs’ preoccupation with social status and influence, which affects many decisions they make, potentially limiting their creativity and open-mindedness.
• Inflexible – ESFJs place a lot of importance on what is socially acceptable, and can be very cautious, even critical of anything unconventional or outside the mainstream. People with this personality type may also sometimes push their own beliefs too hard in an effort to establish them as mainstream.
• Reluctant to Innovate or Improvise – Just as they can be critical of others’ "unusual" behavior, ESFJs may also be unwilling to step out of their own comfort zones, usually for fear of being (or just appearing) different.
• Vulnerable to Criticism – It can be especially challenging to change these tendencies because ESFJs are so conflict-averse. ESFJ personalities can become very defensive and hurt if someone, especially a person close to them, criticizes their habits, beliefs or traditions.
• Often Too Needy – ESFJs need to hear and see a great deal of appreciation. If their efforts go unnoticed, people with the ESFJ personality type may start fishing for compliments, in an attempt to get reassurance of how much they are valued.
• Too Selfless – The other side of this is that ESFJs sometimes try to establish their value with doting attention, something that can quickly overwhelm those who don’t need it, making it ultimately unwelcome. Furthermore, ESFJs often neglect their own needs in the process.

ESFJ in Graphics

I Just Want To Spend Time With You

In keeping with yesterday's theme of who I am & my personality, I thought I'd share with you today my Love Language results.  The results weren't really surprising to me when I took the quiz.  12 is the highest that you can score in any category.

Here are my results:

 11 Quality Time

10 Words of Affirmation

5 Physical Touch

4 Acts of Service

0 Receiving Gifts

So what does that mean?  Here are the explanations for my two highest categories.

Quality Time

In Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Whether itʼs spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important— hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.

My results were basically what I expected.  Getting to spend time with people I care about is more important to me than anything.  Especially when it's one on one & uninterrupted.  The number of times I've gotten annoyed because I feel like someone is elsewhere when we're together or have been bailed on (for both legitimate & non-legitimate reasons) is up there.  Same goes for words of affirmation.  Sure little gifts are nice.  As is having someone help you out.  However, I pretty much just need to be told, & reminded, point blank how you feel about me.  Just tell me, & tell me often.

**If you click on each of the different love language types above it will give you different ideas on how to love each type of person.**

The Advocate - It's Who I Am

Awhile ago I took the myers-brigg personality test.  I felt my results were so accurate that I even went and made a Pinterest board about it.  Then, a couple of months ago Steph & Michael both wrote posts about their results & I decided that I wanted to join the party, even if I am a couple of months late to it.  Each one of us got something different.  Steph was labeled ESTJ and Michael was pretty similarly labeled ISTJ.  I was labeled pretty much the opposite of Steph & sort of similar to Michael as an INFJ.  INFJ is supposedly one of the most rare types.  However, of the few people I know that have taken it & know their results...guess what?  We're all INFJ.  Birds of a feather flock together maybe?  In case you don't feel like reading about me in depth, I've bolded the key points.

Personality type: “The Advocate” (INFJ-A)
Individual traits: Introverted – 59%, Intuitive – 61%, Feeling – 66%, Judging – 68%, Assertive – 55%.
Role: Diplomat
Strategy: Confident Individualism

Famous Advocates You May Know

-Martin Luther King

-Nelson Mandela

-Mother Teresa

-Alanis Morissette

-Jimmy Carter

-Nicole Kidman

Strengths

• Creative – Combining a vivid imagination with a strong sense of compassion, INFJs use their creativity to resolve not technical challenges, but human ones. People with the INFJ personality type enjoy finding the perfect solution for someone they care about, and this strength makes them excellent counselors and advisors.
• Insightful – Seeing through dishonesty and disingenuous motives, INFJs step past manipulation and sales tactics and into a more honest discussion. INFJs see how people and events are connected, and are able to use that insight to get to the heart of the matter.
• Inspiring and Convincing – Speaking in human terms, not technical, INFJs have a fluid, inspirational writing style that appeals to the inner idealist in their audience. INFJs can even be astonishingly good orators, speaking with warmth and passion, if they are proud of what they are speaking for.
• Decisive – Their creativity, insight and inspiration are able to have a real impact on the world, as INFJs are able to follow through on their ideas with conviction, willpower, and the planning necessary to see complex projects through to the end. INFJs don’t just see the way things ought to be, they act on those insights.
• Determined and Passionate – When INFJs come to believe that something is important, they pursue that goal with a conviction and energy that can catch even their friends and loved ones off guard. INFJs will rock the boat if they have to, something not everyone likes to see, but their passion for their chosen cause is an inseparable part of their personality.
• Altruistic – These strengths are used for good. INFJs have strong beliefs and take the actions that they do not because they are trying to advance themselves, but because they are trying to advance an idea that they truly believe will make the world a better place.

Weaknesses

• Sensitive – When someone challenges or criticizes INFJs’ principles or values, they are likely to receive an alarmingly strong response. People with the INFJ personality type are highly vulnerable to criticism and conflict, and questioning their motives is the quickest way to their bad side.
• Extremely Private – INFJs tend to present themselves as the culmination of an idea. This is partly because they believe in this idea, but also because INFJs are extremely private when it comes to their personal lives, using this image to keep themselves from having to truly open up, even to close friends. Trusting a new friend can be even more challenging for INFJs.
• Perfectionistic – INFJs are all but defined by their pursuit of ideals. While this is a wonderful quality in many ways, an ideal situation is not always possible – in politics, in business, in romance – and INFJs too often drop or ignore healthy and productive situations and relationships, always believing there might be a better option down the road.
• Always Need to Have a Cause – INFJs get so caught up in the passion of their pursuits that any of the cumbersome administrative or maintenance work that comes between them and the ideal they see on the horizon is deeply unwelcome. INFJs like to know that they are taking concrete steps towards their goals, and if routine tasks feel like they are getting in the way, or worse yet, there is no goal at all, they will feel restless and disappointed.
• Can Burn Out Easily – Their passion, poor patience for routine maintenance, tendency to present themselves as an ideal, and extreme privacy tend to leave INFJs with few options for letting off steam. People with this personality type are likely to exhaust themselves in short order if they don’t find a way to balance their ideals with the realities of day-to-day living.

INFJ in Graphics

I'm Blue...& Orange

Back during new teacher orientation they had us take a little quiz to see what our personality color was.  It's by True Colors International if you're interested.

So first you go through & you look at these cards & put them in order of which one seems most like you to the least based on the pictures from each card.  Then, you flip them over & read about them.  You can then rearrange them to see which one fits you the most.

Once you have them in the order that makes you happy you score them.  4 is the one most like you & 1 is the least like you.  You write those numbers under the card color in the book.  There are then 5 lines that each contain 4 sets of 3 words.  You rank those 4-1 on which set seems most like you to which one seems the least like you.

Once you finish that you total them up & get your score.  I got Blue - Are we in agreement (20), Orange - Where's the action (18), Gold - What's the plan (13), & Green - Why (9)

Because Blue & Orange were so close I consider them both to be my personality & therefore will share with you what that says about me!

Blue

Being authentic, sincere, & making genuine connections are important to you.  Honesty & harmony are highly valued in your relationships.  You are natural peacemaker & bridge builder.  You remember special dates & occasions that others tend to overlook.  You appreciate the cohesiveness that comes from working within a team environment.  You enjoy relationships & being connected to others.

Attributes

Natural people person

Relationship oriented

Skilled mediator

Optimistic

Peacemaker, seeks harmony

Cause oriented

Cultivates the potential in others

Prefers to cooperate rather than compete

Authentic

Spiritual

Seeks to make a difference in the world

Compassionate, empathetic

Self searching, living a life of significance

Writing & speaking with poetic flair

Sensitive

You Esteem Yourself by Being Empathetic

You seek harmony & love.  You are a natural romantic in life, idealizing the perfect moments & gestures of love.  A facilitator of human potential, you are most satisfied when nurturing the potential in others & bringing out the best in them.  you are symbolized by the dove of peace, the romantic ballad, the drama of life, & the importance of a simple touch or handshake.

You Tend To...

Dream of: authenticity, love, affection

Value: compassion, sympathy, rapport

Regard: meaning, significance, identity

Dislike: hypocrisy, deception, insincerity, tension

Like: helping others, deep & affectionate relationships

Express: inspiration, enthusiasm, liveliness

Foster: harmony, personal growth, potential for improvement

Respect: open with feelings, nurturing, empathy

Promote: peaceful relationships, teamwork, trust

Need: connection, friendliness, harmony

But at the same time...

Orange

You tend to be action oriented with a strong desire to test the limits.  You tend to become restless with routine & repetition.  You prefer a hands-on approach to problem solving & desire visible outcomes.  You are comptetive & bounce back quickly from defeat.  You are drawn to adventure & you enjoy being in the spotlight.  You thrive in an environment that promotes flexibility & freedom.

Attributes

Energetic

Risk-take..."Just do it"

Quick witted

Creative & innovative

A natural entertainer

High need for mobility

Hands-on learner

Playful, charming

Skilled in crisis management

Competitive

Likes tangible rewards

Freedom & adventure

Impulsive, spontaneous

Productive in informal environments

A natural negotiator

You Esteem Yourself by Being Adventurous

You live life to the fullest,  You live in the here & now.  your impulsiveness drives everything you do.  You love competition & never miss an opportunity to make a deal.  You are a natural leader, troubleshooter, & performer.  Your attributes may be symbolized by the flight of the eagle, the sensation of riding a motorcycle, the roaring of the rapids, & the skillfulness of a virtuoso...

You Tend To...

Dream of: spontaneity, impetuousness, freedom
Value: variety, skill, adventure, charisma
Regard: opportunities, options, competition
Dislike: rigidity, authority, rules, regulations
Like: options, fast pace, challenges
Express: optimism, impatience, eagerness, confidence
Foster: recreation, fun, activity
Respect: skill, artistic expression
Promote: risk taking, change, forward momentum
Need: flexibility, freedom, spontaneity

So basically I'm super caring & up for anything...

ISFJ

Due to the fact that I have no clue what I want to do with my future I took a test at careertest.net. My personality is ISFJ.

ISFJ's respect established authority and they tend to accept others’ opinions and desires as their own. In work situations, they provide a stable and standardized service. Disorderly situations and constantly changing rules can cause them undue stress. At these times ISFJ's need to be more assertive and direct because, owing to their kindheartedness and sensitivity, ISFJ's can be taken for granted and even taken advantage of. This can cause them to feel resentment and anger — feelings that the ISFJ has a tendency to deny. If the situation worsens and uncomfortable feelings build up, the ISFJ will begin to feel insecure about their status. Worrying that they are not secure or protected enough, they may become overprotective and excessively nervous about foreboding events. This can cause others to feel resistant or defiant which then contributes to the disorder of the situation.

If stress continues, the ISFJ will experience increasing anxiety. Their fear that things will continue to spin out of control will result in a general feeling of dread and apprehensiveness. They become both wary of change and unrelentingly pessimistic about the future. ISFJ's will eventually become immobilized by physical symptoms associated with their anxieties. Providing care for others will become secondary as their own bodily symptoms — resulting from their fears of abandonment — disable to such a degree that they cannot assume their responsibilities. Yet, abandoning service-orientated obligations prevents ISFJ's from accessing opportunities that allow them to fulfill their basic needs.

Yep that's pretty much me in a nutshell.

Careers That Fit Me:
counseling
ministry
library work
nursing
secretarial
curators
bookkeepers
dental hygienists
computer operator
personnel administrator
paralegal
real estate agent
artist
interior decorator
retail owner
musician
elementary school teacher
physical therapist
nurse
social worker
personnel counselor
alcohol/drug counselor