I Did A Thing - New Blog

 Last month I did a thing.  I started a new blog.  In my last post I made mention of doing it, but I hadn't actually started yet.  The day after I posted about it on this blog, I made my first post on my new blog.  As of today, Thursday August 5, I officially have 20 posts.  I'm not deleting this blog.  I've had it since 2009 & there's a lot of memories here.  However, I'm not going to use it anymore.  It's just going to be like an archive of journal posts for me.  I have updated my Bloglovin if you use that, but I'd love if you'd follow along with me & the next chapter of my life on my new blog:

Tumbleweed Vibes

What's Up Wednesday *6/30*

 

Linking up with Sheaffer & Shay.

What I'm Eating... summer food?  Stuff from the grill, salads, cold pasta

What I'm Reminiscing About... Pre-2018/2019 me... aka me stress & anxiety got bad.

What I'm Loving... Being back in MN with my family

What I've Been Up To... Applying to all the jobs

What I'm Dreading... The constant rejection emails from companies

What I'm Working On... Finishing my MN real estate license.  I have one class left

What I'm Excited About... Plans with friends & family

What I'm Watching/Reading... I'm not really watching anything.  I put on DDD for background noise a lot but I'm listening to Second Skin on Audible.

What I'm Listening To... currently my Discover Weekly playlist on Spotify but also Second Skin on Audible

What I'm Wearing... lots of new outfits from Shein

What I'm Doing This Weekend... Saturday I'm going to my brother & future sister-in-laws for some wedding planning, then probably out to the farm with my family, & then the show of an acquaintance with my cousin.  Sunday probably more time at the farm.

What I'm Looking Forward To Next Month... Starting therapy, lots of plans with friends & family, hopefully finishing my MN real estate license.

What Else Is New... I'm working on starting a new blog.  I'm not going to delete this one.  I may or may not still do link-ups & the surface level posts I've been doing for forever on here but I'm working on starting a new one that's going to go in a different direction.  I'm trying to do it on Wordpress which I've never used so if anyone has any helpful tips for how to start it up that'd be great!

Finding My Purpose: What Brings Me Joy

 I was cleaning out my bookmarks the other day & saw one called How to Find Your Purpose in Life.  Seeing as how I'm currently trying to figure out my life after having just quit my career, moving 1200 miles away, & leaving a relationship I thought was going to be my last, it seemed like a bookmark I should look into.  It had 4 overarching questions followed by 2 "to-dos."  I thought about just journaling them but then thought, why not blog them instead?!

The overarching questions:
1. What brings you joy
2. What makes you unique
3. What does your perfect life look like
4. How can you give back to the world

The to-dos:
1. Look for patterns
2. Write your purpose statement

What Brings Me Joy
-What activities make me happy
*Being outside - simply sitting in the sun, hiking, walking with Nash, etc*
*Listening to music*
*Spending time with friends/family that energize me - Mama, Daddy, Baby Bro, Becky, Kristie*
*Writing*
*Planning - events, vacations, posts, etc*
*Experiencing new places/things*

-What do I love to do
*Visit new places - cities, bars, restaurants, etc*
*Listen to music - especially live*
*Spend time with Nash, friends, family*

-What can I find myself doing for hours on end & not be tired
*Listen to music*
*Write*
*TikTok*
*Research/plan trips & new places*

-What were my favorite things to do or play as a child
*Perform dances - either for myself or family*
*Run around barefoot*
*Explore nature*
*Sing*

-What makes me come alive
*Coming up with new ideas*
*Learning new things*
*Seeing new places*
*Being in nature*

-What things have made me feel excited to get out of bed
*Having an adventure planned - whether extended or just for the day*
*Coffee & morning alone time*

Friday Favorites *6/24*

 

Linking up with Andrea

What I'm Grateful For
*Watching the sunrise every morning*
*Being back in MN*
*Getting closer to having my MN real estate license*
*No more sharing walls with neighbors*
*Finding a new therapist*

What I Accomplished
*I passed my real estate exam for my 2nd MN real estate course*
*I had an interview for a director of curriculum & instruction at a charter school*
*I started a new daily routine*
*I dyed my hair*
*I applied to DOZENS of jobs*

From the Phone

Favorite Things From June
*Moving back to MN*
*The school year ending*
*Meeting my friend's new baby for the first time*
*Getting to see all of my MN best friends*
*Talking to a new boy*

Funnies

This will forever be funny no matter how many times I see it

Monthly Musings June 2021

Linking up with Holly for Monthly Musings

1. Any last day of school traditions?
Despite a preschool-12 grade education, 5 years of college, & 9 years as a teacher, I don't think I've ever had a last day of school tradition.  Just extreme gratitude for making it to the end of the year.  This year was different though in that my last last day of school came & went without me realizing that it was probably my last.  I decided to stop applying for full-time teaching jobs & so unless I wind up back in grad school I will probably never see another first & last day of school until I potentially have my own kids...

2. Do you make a summer list?  What is everyone looking forward to most this summer?
I've made summer bucket lists in the past but this year I didn't.  I've got a 101 in 1001 goals list going, as well as starting daily to-do lists this week that I plan on doing for at least 30 days, if not longer, but I don't have a summer specific list this year.  I'm looking forward to just being back in MN with my family & friends and finding myself again after losing myself over the past couple of years.

3. Any summer vacation plans?
Since I just moved back to MN from TX, & currently don't have a job/paycheck come Sep 1, I don't have any plans to go anywhere big this summer.  Mostly just random little things around MN that I haven't done in forever.

4. Favorite summer outfit?  What do you live in in the summer?
I'm currently working on changing up my wardrobe so I don't really have a favorite summer outfit yet.  I do tend to live in either jeans or shorts & a t-shirt or tank top though.  This outfit is supposed to be arriving by tonight & I am super excited for it to show up.  I'm hoping that it fits right & looks cute so I can wear it to brunch on Sunday with my cousin.

5. Favorite summer meal?
Either a cold pasta salad or brats/hot dogs on the grill!

6. Do you end school in May or June?  How about when you were growing up?
As a teacher, students get out in May.  As a teacher I get out in early June.  When I was in elementary/middle/high school we got out in June.  When I was in college we got out in May.

7. Bikini? Tankini? One piece?
Bikini.  I have been seeing some cute one piece suits lately though!

8. What are your 4th of July plans?
Getting together with at least some of my dad's side of the family at my grandparents farm to do some clean-up & maybe a bonfire.  My grandpa died last April & my grandma died this past February so there has been a lot of clean-up going on at their farm.

9. Do you dress in red, white, & blue on July 4?
Usually.  I have no idea what I'm wearing this year though.  Since I've been changing up what's in my closest I'll have to see what's even in there!

10. Charcoal or gas grill?
Both but there's something special about the smell/taste of a charcoal grill

Finding My Purpose: What Makes Me Unique

  I was cleaning out my bookmarks the other day & saw one called How to Find Your Purpose in Life.  Seeing as how I'm currently trying to figure out my life after having just quit my career, moving 1200 miles away, & leaving a relationship I thought was going to be my last, it seemed like a bookmark I should look into.  It had 4 overarching questions followed by 2 "to-dos."  I thought about just journaling them but then thought, why not blog them instead?!

The overarching questions:

1. What brings you joy

2. What makes you unique

3. What does your perfect life look like

4. How can you give back to the world

The to-dos:

1. Look for patterns
2. Write your purpose statement

What Makes Me Unique
-What am I naturally good at?  What comes easy to me
Organization, planning, & researching.

-What do my close friends & family tell me I'm good at
Listening without judgement, being adventurous, having the courage to do/say what others don't. 

-What is the thing that people admire most about me
My adventurous & courageous side.

-What problems in others am I good at solving (what do people come to me for counsel about)
Helping others think things out logically & seeing other/multiple sides to situations

-What do I do so well that people cannot determine whether I am working or playing
Planning trips/events

-What was I doing when I was 100% at the top of my game
Whatever made ME happy regardless of whether or not others wanted to join me

The Next Chapter Starts Now

 I had a post started, well titled with no content, that I planned on writing & publishing 2 weeks ago when I got back to Minnesota.  The title was "Who Says You Can't Go Home" but then I never wrote it.  Then, I just enjoyed being home for a week.  Then, I went back to Texas with my mom to get the remainder of my stuff.  Then, I fell into a funk.  Well, actually the funk started as I was back in Houston.  

I didn't plan on writing today.  Yesterday I decided I needed to work myself out of this funk so I created a to do list.  One of those things was catch up on blogs (after I post this I'm off to read!)  One of the things was to create a blog plan.  However, start journaling & write a post for today were not on that list.  But then I sat there watching the sun come up & starting a journal seemed like a good idea.  And then publishing what I wrote in the journal seemed like a good place to start in my blog plan.  

I thought about titling this post "Monday Morning Coffee" because it is Monday after all & that's what every Monday post since January 7, 2019 has been titled.  But it didn't seem right.  This post isn't just a recap of my weekend.  It is straight up right out of my journal.  Once again, I won't make promises to post daily, weekly, or even monthly.  It's been nearly 6 weeks since I last posted.  That wasn't intentional but I refuse to force anything anymore.

That was a very long winded intro to what I came here to post:

I set lots of goals.  I start lots of goals.  I'm not always the best at finishing said goals.  So far 2021 has had some major life changes though: leaving Danny.  Living alone for the first time in 1.5 years.  Resigning from my job w/o a new one lined up.  Leaving Texas.  Moving back in with my parents.  Deciding to stop applying for full time teaching jobs.  These changes are good for me.  I know they are & there were decisions I made all on my own so I could can become the best version of myself can possibly be.  So I can find the good parts of myself I lost somewhere over the past couple of years.  So I can discover new parts of myself that will make my life even better.

Despite all of that I found myself in a funk.  While it's completely understandable & I wouldn't fault anyone for feeling the way I am if they were in my position, I need to get myself out of the funk before it spirals further.  The unknown is scary & I can feel it causing anxiety to rise & turn into depression.  So, it ends today.

If this year has taught me anything it's that healing & growth aren't linear.  I know there will still be hard days & somedays I might feel like I'm taking 3 steps back, but I need to make a conscience effort to keep moving forward.  So for at least the next 30 days, maybe longer, I'm going to tackle a daily to do list.  Some things will be constant like drink my water, read, gratitude journal, etc. & some things will vary day to day based on what needs to get done.  

The goal is to change my habits.  To create better habits.  To become the person I know I'm capable of being.  The perfectionist in me also wants to make it a goal to check off all of the items everyday.  However, that's not always going to be possible, & that's ok.  I'm going to give myself grace.  As long as I'm making an effort, whatever gets done gets done.  What doesn't can be let go or added to the next day.  No more sitting still.  The next chapter starts now.

When One Door Closes

 I didn't mean to disappear for a month again.  I actually even printed out a whole calendar with post ideas.  I was going to post about my trip to Fort Worth.  I was going to post about my friend coming to visit me in Houston.  I was going to write about weekly recaps.  I was inspired by Megan to keep it real & was going to write about weekly feelings.  I was going to participate in more link-ups.  But I was too tired after the first trip, & then my friend came to visit just a few days later, & then I felt behind, & then life happened, & now here we are.

A lot of people hate on 2020.  I had my fair shares of highs & lows in 2020.  But that's most years.  I know we're only 4.5 months in so there's still a lot to be seen for 2021, but I'd say so far 2021 has been a lot more challenging for me than 2020 was.  Not necessarily in bad ways, but definitely in big ways.

I wrote the following last night on notebook paper because I just needed to get my thoughts out.  But then I decided to put it here because a)keeping it real & b)one day I want to be able to look back & holding onto a notebook for forever isn't likely to happen.  So if you make it all the way through, shout out.  If not, that's totally ok.  It was a handful of pages & I don't expect anyone else to make it through my ramblings.

In 24 days I'm leaving Texas & this time I'm not coming back.  After 9.5 years I'm moving back to Minnesota.  I miss my family.  I miss my friends.  I need my support system.  Two years ago I was so ready to go home.  I tried my hardest, at the last minute, to get a teaching job.  I didn't & so I returned to Texas.  4 days later I met Danny & my life got flipped upside down.  I ignored every red flag, fell in love, changed my plans, & lost myself.  Almost 16 weeks ago to the day I left Danny & flipped the direction my life was heading yet again.  I tried finding me again.  I focused on myself, my friends, Nash.  I decided it was now or probably never & it was time to go back to MN.  I'm ready.  It's what I want.  It's what I need.  But as it gets closer I'm also getting sad.  I've only ever been an adult in Texas.  I've made a decade of memories, dozens of friends, & my own life here.  But at the end of the day I'm holding on because it's familiar & even though I spent my first 23 years in MN, moving back is new, different, & scary.

Yesterday I resigned from my job.  I have no job lined up.  I've had 2 interviews & didn't get either job.  I have another interview on Wednesday & I'm not giving up just yet.  However I can't help but think that maybe this is my sign.  I've thought about quitting teaching since my first year.  Hell, I actually almost changed my major about a year before I graduated.  I am torn between excitement & terror.  I know deep down I'm only applying to teaching jobs because it's safe.  I don't want to be a teacher.  It doesn't bring me joy.  I love the kids, but it doesn't make me happy.  I want to do something else.  I want to do something that gives me freedom.  I want to do something that lets me be creative.  I want to do something that allows me to work remotely.  At least part of the time.  I got my TX real estate license.  I'm working on my MN real estate license.  I signed up for classes to help me start my own virtual assistant career.  But at the end of the day I don't know that I'm sold on either.  

I'm 32 & have no idea what I want to do when I grow up.  And in 24 days I don't have a job.  And approximately 2.5-3 months later unless I figure it out I also no longer have an income.  I am both terrified & excited.  I know it's going to work out but I need to figure it out.  I have left 4 out of my 5 school districts with no other job lined up.  It has worked out one way or another every single time.  But I'm still at such a turning point in my life right now, closing some pretty big chapters, & I just wish I knew where to turn next & where to start looking.

I just want to be happy & not look back thinking I wasted my life doing things that I didn't love & made me unhappy more than happy just to survive day to day.  My anxiety is at an all time high again.  So much so that last week I found myself back in the ER again because my blood pressure was high again & I'm back on meds again.  I don't want to wish the next 3.5 weeks away.  I need that time.  I still have people I need to see.  But I also desperately need to be with my family again.  I also need to figure out my next move.  How does one figure out what they want to do with their life when they're pretty sure the job might not even exist, & even if it does it's definitely not conventional.

The silver lining: not only is the sky the limit at this point, but I only have 13.5 days left at my fake & toxic workplace!  When one door closes right? 

Friday Favorites*4/16*

Linking up with Andrea

Happy Friday everyone!  Yesterday was my Friday at work & this morning I'll be headed to Fort Worth with Nash so we can meet up with one of my friends from grad school.  She moved back to the panhandle a few years ago & when we decided we should have a meet up with our dogs halfway, I didn't realize halfway would be Fort Worth.  It works out though since we both used to live there!  I hope everyone has a great weekend!

1. What I'm Grateful For

-A college advisor who still looks out for my career 9 years after I've graduated

-Eric Church releasing a new album today

-Only having a 4 day work week

-My dream MN school district posting multiple openings

-A girls (& their dogs) weekend

2. What I Accomplished

-Applying for multiple teaching positions in MN

-Finishing the coursework for my 2nd MN real estate class

-Laundry

-Packing up clothes I won't be wearing between now & moving

3. From the Phone

I saw this TikTok a while back where this girl was getting TONS of invites to weddings of people she doesn't actually know... so now my cousin & I are in a competition to see who can get more invites... this one showed up this week...

2 weeks worth of laundry...

I keep seeing an ad for this on Hulu but then forget about it... as soon as I finish Letterkenny... it's on!

4. What I'm Looking Forward to in Fort Worth

-Seeing my friend for the first time in like 2 years

-Seeing one of my former athletes

-Stockyards!

-Nash getting to hang out with other dogs

-Buffalo Bros (I used to go there pretty much every Sunday to watch football, sometimes even by myself)

5. Funnies

Friday Favorites *4/9*

 

Linking up with Andrea

Happy Friday!  This was the week that just kept doing.  I didn't really even have to do anything most of the week.  There was state testing Mon-Thu & because I have seniors I had "study hall" from 9:20-1:40 all three days & I only had 2 kids show up each day.  The last hour was the last period of the day but I only had between 4-6 kids each day.  That being said, I spent most of yesterday *thinking* it was Friday so the fact that it's finally Friday for real makes me happy...

1. What I'm Grateful For

-Having an easy week at work
-Not having to buy much from the grocery store this week because food in the freezer

-Getting to take Nash to the dog park everyday after work

-Getting to lay by the pool

-Making the decision to not move any of my big stuff back to Minnesota

2. What I Accomplished This Week

-Getting to over 50% on my 2nd MN real estate course
-Applying to 2 jobs within an hour from my parents
-Got Nash scheduled for a doggy daycare meet & greet
-Finally responding to emails from when I was gone the second half of the work week
-Finding a class sponsor replacement for me for next year

3. From The Phone

Just so you have as much context as I do... this has now been sitting outside my downstairs neighbors door/the stairwell for days now.  That's it.  That's all I know.  My only semi-logical assumption is that they just moved in so maybe they used it to help them haul stuff?  But also I live at least ghetto adjacent...

4. Other Careers That Interest Me

-Real Estate Agent
-Flipping Houses
-Virtual Assistant
-Sports Marketing
-Something involving travel: travel agent, travel blogger, or just a job that allows me the freedom to travel/work remotely

5. Funnies

Currently In April

 

Linking up with Anne

Arranging... care for Nash when I go to Austin next month.  I'd really like to find a place that's over that way to take him rather than one here.  That way he can be in the car with me, he is closer to where I'll be, & it makes drop off & pick up less stressful.

Craving... burnt hot dogs.  I keep smelling neighbors grill & I really just want a good, cheap hot dog burnt on a charcoal grill.

Discussing... the ideocracy over the fact that we're still doing state testing this year, even after we had a statewide testing failure yesterday causing districts all over the state have to reschedule the test because the state's system failed.

Enjoying... the fact that I only have around 30 days left of showing up to work this school year

Preparing... for my trip to Fort Worth next week!  Nash & I are going to Fort Worth to meet up with a friend of mine from grad school & her dogs for the weekend!