One of Those Days

Today is just one of those days that I want to skip. 

For starters today is January 18th, which to everyone else is no big deal.  I can honestly say I didn't even think about what today was until I was writing up notes last night for class today & put the date on top.  Yesterday marked exactly 3 months since Branden & I broke up.  Today would have been our 5 year anniversary.  I'm not crying.  I don't feel like crying about it.  It's just more of a numb feeling.  One of those, a year really does change things, moments. 

Mostly I just can't believe that we would have been together that long.  That's almost 1/4 of my life and about 1/5 of his.  The thing is except for the fact that we aren't together...we are.  When we first broke up we saw each other about once every 2 weeks.  Then it was about once a week.  Now sometimes it can be multiple times a week.  I know that's probably unhealthy.  But we are each other's best friends & we both know we aren't together & may never be together again.  Neither of us wants to date, each other or otherwise.  He is deploying in about 4 months & I just want to be selfish for the first time in my life & do what I wanna do when I wanna do it.  So I guess today is so weird because while it sometimes feels like nothing has changed, it has.  Instead of celebrating 5 years together it's just another day.

Today I have also realized that my favorite roommate/one of my best friends and I...are slowly becoming, well not friends.  Today we walked to school together & between that & getting ready in the morning we said less than 20 words to each other...total.  She has a boyfriend now, which I know right away it's just going to sound like I'm jealous but I'm not, I'm more annoyed & pissed off at who she has become.

When single she always complained about how are other 2 roommates were always with their boyfriends & never around.  How much she hated girls that were like that, girls that suddenly ditched their friends because they had boyfriends.  Hated girls that would break plans with their friends to be with guys.  Girls that only talked about their boyfriends.  Girls that couldn't be without their boyfriends even if they were hanging out with their girlfriends.  Well, that is who she is.  I am so angry at her not because she has a boyfriend but because of the gigantic hypocrit that she has become.  Before they were even offically together she was already breaking plans or trying to make sure that he was included in everything right down to "girls night".  They spend nearly everyday together, even more so that they are together.  She has no real stories except for about him because she no longer does anything except spend time with him.

I hate the giant hypocrit that she has become & the fact that she has become one of those girls.  I can honestly say that when Branden & I were dating we really only did see each other about once or twice a week.  That if I had plans with the girls, I did not break them or try to shorten them so that I could spend time with him.  That I did have a life outside of him so I was not always Branden this Branden that.  So me saying that I hate those kind of girls isn't a "I'm jealous & just saying that" sort of thing.  It's a legit girls need a life outside of just being with her boyfriend or they become ultra lame.

I also hate that I feel like she is dating him just to have a boyfriend.  When they weren't offical she would come home & have multiple negative things to say about him.  That he smokes, that he's immature, that his friends are ALWAYS at the bar, that he doesn't discipline his dog & if he can't do that then how would he be with kids.  That she doesn't date just to date so that these are big issues that can't just be ignored so that they can date for a short time.  A couple days later, they are together.  Talk about a big WTF.

Ok that's probably long enough.  Today is one of those days where I'm on the "I can't wait to move back to Mora" side of the fence.