Same Old Sad Love Song

This isn't very Christmasey & for that I apologize.  Most people probably aren't reading blogs today anyway.  I know I'm not.  It was the one open day I had left & wanted to get this out before December was over.  I probably should've written this a couple of days ago when I was all up in my feelings but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

As some of you may or may not have figured out, Mr. Fireman & I are no longer together whatsoever.  I never wrote about why.  I went back & forth on whether or not I wanted to & had decided against it.  I had met someone new, CJ, & had moved on from the situation.  Then that ended a couple of days ago (Dec 17) & I felt like I needed to write about it.  However, the story of CJ begins where the story of Mr. Fireman ends so one cannot be told without the other.

I'll spare y'all the play by play & give you a general recap.

If you've been around this blog any length of time know that there was a lot of off & on drama with Mr. Fireman.  That multiple times I said I was done & then I wasn't.  When I left for MN back in June I had decided it was time to start letting go for real.  We talked while I was gone but not necessarily everyday.  We even hung out a few times in August/September once I was in back.  In October though I learned that the entire time we had been dating, not only had he been dating another girl, he had also been sleeping with random girls.  That was it.  I was done.  I haven't spoken to him since.  That is where Other Woman enters the picture & through her I met CJ.  Other Woman & I are no longer friends due to her being drama & trying to start shit between CJ & I.

CJ was his own rollercoaster from the beginning.  We were great when we were good but bad when we were bad.  It's not even like we fought a ton...but I found myself getting annoyed & crying more in the 2 months that we were together than I can recall myself doing in any length of time in recent history (time spent with Mr. Fireman included)  It was little things that really aren't that little.  The first time I tried to talk to him, around 2-3 weeks in, about how I felt like he was being distant & didn't want to be around he threw a fit & stormed out of my house & didn't talk to me for 4 days.  I thought we were done...we weren't.  The week before I left for Thanksgiving he told me he had done something (no he didn't cheat) that I did not agree with whatsoever & told him I needed the time that I was gone to think.  I thought I'd be done...I wasn't.  So when I found myself getting constantly annoyed that I felt like I was the only one doing anything (cleaning around the house, buying all the food in my house, paying all my bills...while he spent all of his time on my couch trying to find a new job) I snapped.  I tried to talk to him calmly about how I needed some type of help around the house if he was going to be spending all of his time there (we didn't technically live together) he turned into a big baby & stormed out again.  I told him I was done.  We went out to dinner a few hours later & ended things on better terms but we were still done for real.  He text me the following  day & turned into an ass, which honestly made it a whole lot easier to be done.

So now I will be beginning 2015 single again.  Truly, 100% single.  Honestly, while I'm nervous about what life is going to be like my last few months in Texas, I'm also excited for this new journey.  I have had nothing but a steady stream of relationship drama for the past 15 months.  I'm ready to focus on myself again & figure out what I'm going to do with my life...and just be as drama free as possible for once.  Break-ups are hard whether they're necessary or not.  I know I'll still have my good days & bad days but in the end I know it's also for the best.  I'm also really proud of myself for not letting the back & forth continue for my final few months in Texas.

And because it is Christmas after all