Dear 40 Year Old Bri

Bri,

Welcome to 40!  Does this mean we're over the hill now?  Or is that 50?  I don't recall.  Either way, I hope you're still rockin it!  I know we've already acted old for quite some time but please don't be acting OLD old.  While overall I really just hope that you're happy & #LivingYourBestLife, are hashtags still a thing??  Here are a few things I wouldn't mind having accomplished by now:

-Quit teaching & have a new career you actually love
-Be married
-Have kids
-Own a home
-Have the ability to travel often, aka more than just home for the holidays & maybe once a year
-Have visited states/countries I haven't yet #CrossOffThatBucketList

I guess that's it really.  Mostly I really do just hope that at 40 we're doing what makes us happy & not worrying about the small things.  Oh, I hope that debt is taken care of...  #Yikes!

Love,

30 Year Old Bri

PS #SorryNotSorry for the hashtags, feel free to want to punch younger you in the face...  I feel ya, I want to smack some sense into younger us as well...

Dear 20 Year Old Bri

Dear Bri,

Welcome to your 20's!  You are officially no longer a teenager!  This next decade is going to be quite the adventure.  Enjoy every single moment of it.  You're going to make mistakes, lots of mistakes.  But some of those mistakes are going to lead to really exciting & good things too!  You're going to get your heart broken more than what seems like your fair share, but you're going to break a couple of hearts too.  It's okay.  Try not to dwell on the mistakes & the heartbreak.  Instead, remember all of the important things you learn from each of these events.  Enjoy the random trips, love the time you get to spend by yourself, make the big scary life changes, & don't worry so much about what other people think of you & your decisions.  Not knowing what you want to do with your life or where you want to be is okay.  Try not to focus so much on that though & just take life as it comes.  I'm sorry to report that you still won't have that all figured out at 30 either but that's just fine!  That's what makes life a spontaneous adventure!  You are going to rock your 20s!  You're going to meet some great people that become intensely important to your life.  You are going to see places that change your life.  You are going to do things that you never imagined you would or thought possible.  This is your time to grow!

Love,

30 year old Bri

Writing Back To Me

I don't recall if I did it with my first two 101 in 1001 lists or not, I could very easily go look but I'm too lazy & it doesn't really matter.  When I started my 3rd 101 in 1001 list I wrote myself a letter to open on the last day of it.  When I read that letter I both laughed & cried.  I was going to leave it just for me, but then I wanted to be able to remember my reaction to said letter.  So, rather than just tuck it away somewhere, I'm going to share my original letter & my response with all of you.

June 29, 2015

Brianne - 

I'm sure a lot has happened in the past 2 years & 9 months.  I sure hope it has.  In just 7 months you'l be 30.  I sure hope you're a lot more ok with that than I am about being 4 months away from 27.  27?!  That seems so... not old but like a mature age.  I certainly don't feel like I have my shit together enough to be nearly 27.  I hope we've done a lot better with this list than we did with the first 2.  Most importantly I hope we own a home & have fallen in for real love.  I would love it if we find our way back to [Mr. Oklahoma].  If not, I hope you're laughing as you read that because you've moved on & found someone better.  I'll be starting a brand now job at Lake Worth HS in August & getting a brand new roommate.  I hope that unless you've moved for love, you're still working there & loving it.  I hope that you're still friends with [roommate] too but please don't still be living with her.  You're almost 30... unless you're renting to someone please don't have a roommate.  No matter what has happened... I hope you're genuinely happy.

-Bri

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

March 24, 2018

Brianne - 

A lot certainly did happen over the past 2 years & 9 months.  That includes 3 jobs changes, 2 address changes, & 1 new car.  I am more than okay with being almost 30.  In fact, I'm ready for 30.  I still don't think I always have my shit together but spoiler alert, no one has it together all the time.  Sorry to disappoint you but list 3 was by far the worst. 

Another disappointment to you, still in an apartment & still single.  However, the only "roommate" is Nash, the greatest, although at the time irresponsible, decision I've ever made.  He is the cutest pain in the ass ever & I can't imagine life without a puppy anymore. 

As for love, Mr. Oklahoma wound up calling 3 months after that letter was written & told me he loved me but that he felt like he had to do the right thing.  We spoke only once after that & very briefly.  Then there was Mr. Midwest who after 9 months couldn't decide what he wanted.  Sadly, I still think about him far too often.  It is slowly starting to go away though finally.  There was Mr. Overseas who I really thought was the one but turned out to be one of the worst decisions of my life.  Although he did in a round about way bring Trey into my life.  And while Trey didn't work out the way I originally thought, he has been an awesome friend who also brought Raeann into my life, who has turned out to be one of the people I hang out with the most.  And most importantly, as of right now anyway, Raeann recently brought someone new into my life who I really like and hope that it eventually goes somewhere with.  This time around though, no trying to rush or force anything.  We've grown up some & learned lots of lessons from all of those guys that it didn't work out with so just one day at a time this time around.

Lake Worth lasted all of a year & it was the worst year of teaching/coaching ever.  That job caused more tears & stress than all three years in Houston combined.  Some great co-workers came out of it though, & Emily, who is the reason Nash came into the picture, is still a really great friend.  The district that I'm currently teaching & coaching in though I truly do love & work with some really fun and awesome people who have also become friends.

I didn't stay friends with roommate because I never became friends with roommate.  That year wound up being the most awkward living situation ever when her boyfriend moved in temporarily & then just never left.  At least Emily lived at the same complex so I had somewhere to escape to all the time.

Despite not being where you hoped I'd be at this point, I am happy.

-Bri

The Lady In Waiting

Today while on campus, hanging out with some friends on our 2 hour break in between our classes, my friend Anne decided to open the drawer in the table/desk we were sitting at.  In the drawer was a piece of paper that said "READ ME" so I grabbed it and did just so.  This is what I read (spelling & grammatical errors & all):

9/2/11

Dearest Reader,

I am the lady in waiting.  I am the girl who stares out the window and watches the world from above.  The girl who sees that most the people below are just going from one place to the next with no purpose or meaning.  The girl who sees that most of these people don't know the precious gift of life they were given.  I see all, I am an observer.  I see when people are sad, or happy, or tired from the night before, I see the loners, the confident, and even more on occassion than not, I see the lost.  People who don't know who they are or where they are going.  It's a sad world to watch from above with no noise and no thoughts.  All you can rely on are the emotions and gestures that people put out.  You see the true friends from someone they just put up with.  You see the perfect couple and their deepest secrets.  There is nothing better than the above.

Being above gives you the ability to see the true demeanors of each individual.  Without the thoughts and noise you are able to see the true meaning behind ones words.  If you haven't noticed the study of people fascinates me.  Which is why I am writing this letter.  It is yet another study to see if I am the only one curious enough to open this drawer before me to see if what lays inside.  To be honest all I found were a few names from lost souls and a lonely paper clip.  I am also curious to see if I will be the only one to leave behind a message.

Now before you as the reader begin to think I am some nuts loner, let me just say that you would be wrong.  I am that girl on campus that can't go anywhere without some from of greeting from someone.  Which is why half the time I pull up the head phones and crank the tunes.  It's not that I don't like people it's more that I want the interaction to be on my terms.  Besides music helps me to get to the real object of my affection, silence.  I enjoy the solidtude of my own thoughts without having to hear the thoughts of others around me.  It's always the same thing greed, gossip, sex and partying.  Now don't get me wrong we all have these thoughts just some are more horrid and disgusting about.  But before I get to carried away I am just going to stop.  The purpose of thise letter was not to influence you as the reader but simply conduct a study.  So what are you as the reader going to do; write a response, read and return, leave it untouched, or throw it away?  The next move is all yours.  Thanks for your time.  Have a wonderful day!

Your Lady in Waiting,

S

P.S. Don't forget "live each moment like it's your last."  Don't be one of the lost souls.  Find yourself and your purpose, this is college.  Open your heart and your mind to the world around you and the doors of life will open before you.