It's Over

As of last night Branden & I aren't together anymore. It really sucks & it hurts but the more I think about it the more I know that it's for the best. No one is to blame, no one did anything awful we just fell apart. As of right now in life we don't want the same things for the future. I want marriage & kids, he doesn't. I think it was because of this that we started distancing ourselves from each other. It kind of came down to are we together because we love each other & this is what we want out of life or are we together because we care a lot about each other & we've been together for so long that it's comfortable.

People keep asking if we'll get back together. Honestly, as much as I do care about him & love him still, as long as he doesn't want marriage & kids it's simply not going to happen. Those are 2 things I am not going to give up & 2 things he shouldn't have to do if he doesn't want them. We have been best friends/together for so long that we do always want to be a part of each others' lives somehow whether that means still hanging out from time to time or just a random hey how have you been. Obviously it's going to be hard & awkward at first but I feel like since we both knew this needed to happen & we're both so busy anyway that it would be easier than if we had been seeing each other everyday & one of us had been blindsided by the break-up.



Not that I'm making excuses for him, because his reasons are valid, but I feel like the reason that it actually came up was because he now knows when he is deploying. He was saying that he was thinking at drill this past weekend that he's going to be leaving soon & since he doesn't want to get married that it wasn't fair to make me wait & put me through all of that if it wasn't going to end how I wanted it to. Which is fair but together or not, he was such a big part of my life that it's not like I'm not going to care or worry about him while he's gone. Him getting back from deployment was sort of my deadline anyway. If nothing had changed in his views on marriage or kids when he came back that would be it because I wasn't going to wait around any longer. And let's be honest, you don't think that way if you're 100% in it anyway.

We broke up once before, Dec 08-Aug 09. I feel like this time was much more mature which makes me happy because even though it's going to be weird & awkward for awhile we can still talk without one of us (aka me being) all emotional & hoping that he'll change his mind. This time, even though he initiated it, it was more mutual. I didn't try to fight him on it or change his mind because I knew he was right. Would I love for him to be the one? Of course I would. But only if marriage & kids is what he really wants. So I guess I'll just go with if it's meant to be it'll happen. If it's not then it was better to end it now then after 1.5+ more years & going through a deployment.

I could go one but I'll stop because that's the basics of it.