Tinder Tami Taylor Style

So it's no secret around here that I'm basically over dating.  So one day I decided to talk to guys on Tinder using only Tami Taylor quotes from Friday Night Lights, the TV series not the movie, because I love both & why not.  I had originally planned on showing various conversations with different guys but then this one guy just kept going with it because quite honestly I'm pretty sure he had 0 idea what was going on & did not care.  Also, forgot to blur out his name & pictures... my bad...  I finally got bored with him & wanted to go to bed so I "clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. Texas forever"-ed my way out & unmatched with him.

Disasters In Dating Vol. 3

It's been a couple of months since I last shared some of my disasters in dating.  I actually gave up on dating for awhile so this is pretty much just the awful messages & WTF pictures that I've come across while online dating.  I currently have 5 apps on my phone: Plenty of Fish, Tinder, OkCupid, Match, & Bumble.  I'm pretty new to Bumble but it's sort of like Tinder except for that only girls can message first & each party has 24 hours to respond before the match disappears.  I was on Eharmony a long time ago but I hated it.  In the whatever number of months subscription I had...3?  6?  I don't remember.  I didn't meet/come across a single person I connected with.  Anyway, onto the good stuff.

This guy looked vaguely familiar when I matched with him on Bumble.  And, then he used the gay guys bought me drinks line & I thought ok this really seems familiar.  And then he asked me if I would have saved him & I was like I KNEW HE SEEMED FAMILIAR.  I don't remember if it was Tinder or POF but I had talked to this guy MONTHS ago. A)get a new story B)get a way better story

No thank you.

Well aren't we the presumptuous one...

That escalated quickly...

Yes because that's who I would like to father my children someday...a man with a "your throat here" tattoo... 

Why is this ok?  Very few guys say this shit in real life so why is it ok online?

This weirdo kept talking about his mom's thong bikini.  I got a very Bates Motel vibe.

Disasters In Dating Vol. 2

About two months ago I shared with you some Disasters in Dating Vol. 1.  I am unfortunately back to share more with you.  For your entertainment pleasure, messages I have actually received from guys... (I'm rapidly losing faith in the dating world by the way.  And if you're wondering if maybe YOU should try online dating, let these messages be a cautionary tale to you...)

OK this one was actually just the profile of a guy who tried to message me...

Another profile... get over yourself there buddy.  And for the record he wasn't *that* good looking...

No...I just don't want to talk to you...

I'm sorry Joe but you seem to come with some baggage you're not ready to leave behind...

I'm pretty sure the look on my face when I read this was pure confusion...and a solid no

a)I didn't know people still used this line b)in the history of this line has it ever worked??

Ok this shit right here... normally when I get obnoxious messages I simply delete and/or block depending on how many times they've tried to contact me without a response but this guy... First of all, you gave me 20 flippin minutes.  Second of all, it could have been any of a number of things in your profile.  Finally, after seeing how he reacted I'm glad I didn't respond initially.  He responded to me by the way basically saying I was rude & if I was really "country" I would be nicer.  No, that's not how life works honey bun...

AND this gem!  This right here pretty much made me lose all faith in online dating & a little bit in humanity...

Disasters in Dating Vol. 1

So I got this gem of a message not once, but twice, in addition to like 3 other messages from the same guy...none of which resulted in a response...

"You are tired of all the shallow comments and cheesy pick up lines. You want a REAL Man; one that will take you by the hand and lead you as a partner in life. You will bear children him and he will work to provide for you and the family. You are not a shallow little girl who still blindly follows feminist lies. You know that it is your duty as a woman to bear children to a good man and you find your happiness and fulfillment in being a mother to your children and you are reminded of this fact every month. You want to raise your children to be good men and women. You are sick of society telling you what to do, how to think, what to buy, and you live outside commercial brainwashing telling you to have sex with random guys in the hook up culture. You don’t buy into that.

And neither do I. I am a real man.

Please do not respond if you are still a child. I seek a REAL woman.

That is all"

No thank you...

Can you really still be a sugar daddy if you're years younger than me? 

No you may not.

Sorry but the 3rd time is not the charm.

That's not how this works...

Disaster Date #1

I'm going to preface this by saying I am not high maintenance at all. I don't require fancy dates or to be wined & dined all the time. In fact, I prefer the more laid back type dates. However, there is a line between laid back & little to no effort.

So the guy picks me up at my house, which I know is the way it should be or whatever but I don't particularly like it on a first date because I'm at their mercy (control freak over here!) Anyway, so he picks me up & he decides we're going to go out for burgers. Awesome, I fucking love burgers. In N Out. That's where we went... First of all, I don't even really like that place. Second of all, fast food? Really? On a first date? Ok whatever I'll look past it. Then we go to Main Event, ok that's actually a fun idea. Except by the time we get there I'm already so over the date because he won't. stop. touching me. Not in a I want to get in your pants way but in a I don't even know how to describe it I'm cringing just thinking about it kind of way. In a babying way?? Like he'd take 2 fingers & kind of grab/tickle/pinch/whatever my arm & talk to me in almost a little kid way when he'd do it. AND he'd try to wipe imaginary hair out of my face. I'm out dude. I'm so out. Either he got the hint or he also wasn't feeling it because I didn't hear from him again after he dropped me off.

**Ok so I then went on another date...and it wasn't a disaster...and it actually turned into another date sooo we'll see if this series continues or not. Let's pray that it doesn't.**