If y'all remember I bought myself a new car about a month ago...and the next day Mr. Fireman and I broke up. Well yesterday while attempting to go to Chipolte before open house at work my car essentially died. In just a few miles my car would stop accelerating, I would have to pull over, turn it off, & turn it back on to fix it probably a good half dozen to a dozen times before turning around & going back to work so someone else could drive. So I did what every smart girl does & called my daddy. Then I called the dealership I bought it at, followed by the dealership, followed by AAA, followed by the most nerve wracking phone call of all...Mr. Fireman. He agreed to pick up me & student teacher at 7:30 when we got off of work to bring each of us home.
He showed up right on time and we got in the truck. There were definitely moments of awkward silence. What does one even say after not seeing someone for a month when there's so much you want to say but don't even know where to start...and there's a third party in the vehicle. So we drove & made small talk, dropped off student teacher, went out to eat, made more small talk, & then he brought me back to my apartment where we then had it out for a good 30-45 minutes in my parking lot.
It all came down to him running scared. Him thinking he's a terrible person. Him not knowing what he wants in life & is afraid he may never know. Him knowing that what we had was great but felt it was too great & that I was too perfect too soon. Him not knowing what to do so he asked guys at work for advice (& apparently went against it). He's scared because in all of his 20s he had 2 serious relationships & is worried that if he doesn't get the chance to date around he'll always wonder what's out there. He's been dating some new girl for 2 weeks to which he said "it's not like I'm marrying her & who knows it's probably not going to work out with her either." He meant it when he said it didn't have to be over. He meant it when he said he still wanted to talk to me & to hang out with me but he doesn't know how to make that happen because he's never tried something like that before. Basically it all comes down to he's scared, he's an idiot, he knows it & I told him I still wanted him in my life and wanted to try again because I never said it had to be serious so fast & you don't just walk away from something great but that I can't keep trying so if he wants to talk to me & hang out I'll be there but I have to be done being the one trying. We'll both keep dating other people, maybe talk/hang out, or maybe not.
All I know is this is what I have to do for me. I have to let go even if only in the sense that I'm not the one doing all the trying. Now I can only keep dating others & hope that either I move on or he figures out what to do with his stupidity. There's more to the story & a lot more was said, and cried about, and yelled about, but that's what it all boils down to essentially.
We talked briefly today about my car & my sweet rental that I get until my car is fixed...HELLO BRIGHT RED 2013 F150...nearly the vehicle of my dreams...but that's it. I'm supposed to have 3 dates this weekend with 3 different guys so we'll see. I've already gone on a date with one of them & I'm not super into him but I also refuse to just sit around waiting any longer & (almost) everyone deserves a 2nd chance...