Day 30: React to this term: Letting Go
How do you know when it's time to let go of something? How do you know which path to take? I have been struggling with this concept for months. As you may or may not know, I don't like my job. I've applied to well over 50 school districts for this next year, I've also already been rejected by nearly a half dozen & it's still May. So when do you know when it's time to let go & what path do you choose to let go of?
There's my current job.
I dislike the administration. I dislike the attitude of 80% of the student body. I dislike the fact that there is little to no support from any direction. I am morally against a lot that goes on grade wise in the district. I dislike the fact that we're going on block scheduling & a nearly impossible appraisal system next year. I dislike that about half my department is leaving along with many of the friends I've made this year.
There are students that I really do care about. I've made great friends at the school. I'm doing what I went to college for. I like getting to know the students and being there for them. Nobody has a good first year of teaching. I don't want to seem/feel like a quitter. I feel like students need you more in an inner city district than in a "good" district & I don't want to let them down.
There's the life I want.
Minus about a year of my life I have never wanted to work in a city let alone live in/near one. I want to live in a middle of nowhere, small town...and not even IN that town. I want to live in the country. I want the small town life. I want my own farm/ranch, even if it's a little one. Most days I want to stay in Texas, but some days I still want to live in Colorado/Wyoming/Montana. I want a small town, country boy. I'm so sick of all of these city boys...especially the ones pretending to be country.
But then I'm also afraid of leaving behind all of the great people I've met that are staying. I'm scared of moving somewhere like my hometown & still not finding what I want. I'm scared of moving to a smaller district only to find out that kids today just suck...not just the kids I work with. I'm afraid that I'm just running from my current situation because it's not what I have built up in my head & maybe what I find somewhere new won't be it either & I'll just run again.
So when do you let go? And what do you let go of? Do you let go of the current situation or do you let go of the dream? How do you decide?