Sh*t My Students Say Vol. 21

*While on the sidelines during a drill*

Volleyball player: Wait! Can I be mini Coach M for this team?  Get those passes!  Don't let it drop!  You better talk or we're running & doing push-ups!

Volleyball player: Coach Mama M you look like a cowboy girl today with them braids!

Volleyball Player: I'm single as a Pringle & NOT ready to mingle

Me: You're a nut
Volleyball Player: That's so weird because I ate nuts today!

*This occurred the week I was without a phone.  I was trying to find an empty desk to sit on*
Me: There are no desks for me to sit on over here!
Student 1: Well student news just told us that the more you sit the more likely you are to die so we're saving you're life here...
Me: After this week I wouldn't even care
Student 2: Is there something you'd like to tell us
Me: *starts laughing so hard telling my phone story that I start cry laughing doubled over*
Student 3: I think we're witnessing a breakdown here people.  I feel like Dr. Phil...

Sh*t My Students Say Vol. 20

Freshman Volleyball Player 1: I'm going to homecoming with a sophomore

FVB2: I'm going to homecoming with 3 seniors

Me: Looks like I'm going to homecoming to chaperone & stand in between y'all & your dates while you date

FVB1: You just went from Coach M to Mama M

Student: Miss you should bring your puppy to work

Me: I can't do that

Student: Why?  Some people get to bring their kids in

Me: That's different

Student: No it's not

Me: No one is going to be like excuse me ma'am will you leave your kid outside please

Student: Sometimes they should be told that...

*while at a 7th & 8th grade volleyball tournament 2 of my 9th graders came up to me*

VB Player 1: Oh man coach those 7th graders...yikes!

VB 2: All those dropped balls...all I could think of was your face & the laps you'd make us run...oof

VB Player: Coach!  High five!

*high five*

VB Player: Your hands are soft!  Everybody!  Feel her hands!

Student 1: *Points behind me*

Student 2: Cockroach!
Me: *screams & hops to the front of the room*

**A class debate starts on whether or not to save or kill the roach**
Student 3: Miss want to share some popcorn & watch?

Student 4: Miss Student 5 wants to know if she can go downstairs & set him free outside

Me: No

Student 4: Then where can she set him free

Me: The toilet...all drains lead to the ocean my friend...

Sh*t My Students Say Vol. 19

Student walking around looking at other people’s projects

Student 1: Is that Croatia?  Oh that one is Ireland.  You got Albania.

Me: What did you just go & memorize all the maps in the book?

S1: Miss I know all the countries don’t you even worry about it

Me: Ok well good I’m glad

S1: You gotta when you got girls in different area codes

S2: You got NO girls!

Student: Miss if you die before me can you do me a favor?

Me: What's up?

S: Assuming you go to heaven can you ask God why he didn't give us super powers & then have him come tell me in a dream

M: I'll see what I can do

S: I'm serious...and tell your friends

**So there you have it...if y'all die before my student could you please take this issue up with God? K thanks**

Student 1: MIIIISSSSS how did the Patriots win?? I blame Lady Gaga!!
Student 2: Did you see here jump during the half time show...that was the Falcons jumping to conclusions

*I told my A day kids that they'd have a sub soon*
Student: Miss why you gotta do that?  Skip B day not A day...we're better than them...don't do this to us again.

*While watching a Planet Earth video*
Narrator: Female asses are mysterious creatures
Student:  Mmm hmm I know that's right

*While watching the same Planet Earth video in a different class*

Girl Student: Aww I want a monkey

Boy Student: You got one right here

GS: Where?

BS: Me! I got big ears!

Male Student: Miss you look really pretty today

Me: Thank you

MS: I mean not near as cute as me but no one ever looks as cute as me

Sh*t My Students Say Vol. 18

**"Blue Ain't Your Color" by Keith Urban comes on Pandora**

Student: Miss are you in your feelings or something??

Student: Once you hit 15 it's basically over.
Me: I'm almost 30, what does that make me? Dead?
Student: It means you're old.

Student: On a scale of 1 to Pacific Ocean how salty are you?

Student: Miss, looks like there's just two adults in this room, you & me.  Everyone else is just acting like a bunch of children!
(I teach freshmen for the record...)

**I have a senior in my freshmen geography class because when you move to TX from another state they force you to take 9th grade world geo**

Senior Student: Miss, I feel like every time I'm in here surrounded by freshmen for an hour & a half my IQ drops...

Student 1: You see miss what happened was...I was working on my mix tape over the weekend at home & it was live & all these people were over & we were recording when all of a sudden someone busted down the door & came in & robbed me & that's why I don't have my packet...

Student 2: Dude, you live in a double gated community that did not happen...

Sh*t My Students Say Vol. 17

Student: Miss how old are you?

Me: how old do you think I am?
Student: 24

Me: 27

Student: You look young!

Me: Thanks

Student: But you need to hurry up & get married & have kids before you die alone.


Student: I hate white people music...like county...it puts me in my feelings


Student: Wait, why doesn't my map have the Bermuda Triangle on it


Student 1: Wanna see a joke
Me: He's gonna show you a mirror
Student 2: Miss you savage!

Sh*t My Students Say Vol. 16

Student to another student: Hey now!  Watch your language!  This is a PG area!

Student 1: Hey! You tricked me!

Student 2: Trix are for kids!

Student 1: I said a mouse sings better than you

Student 2: Yeah maybe a mouse that sings like an angel!

Student 1: You know what I meant!

Student 2: But that's not what you said!

Student 1: Student 3 come on you know what I meant!

Student 3: I was gonna go to bat for you but then you said that!  I can't believe you! My ears! I'm just a kid!


Directions: Write 6 sentences
Student: Does it have to be 6?
Me: Yes
Students: It can't be 4?


Student: Did that shark just eat a whole seal?!
Me: Haven't you seen Shark Week?
Student: I've see Shark Tales...


Student 1: Miss you look crazy...and tired
Student 2: I'm not gonna say that you look crazy but if I saw you on the street I'd cross to the other side

Sh*t My Students Say Vol. 15

Student 1: Miss do you work out?

Me: No but I need to.

Student 1: Oh you look like you do.

Me: Well thank you.  January 1 I'm starting...

Student 2: Uh huh...that's what they all say...

Student 3: Yet another failed New Year's resolution...

Me: What did you do over break?
Student: I went to Colorado to see my cousins
Me: Oh that's cool I love Colorado!
Student: There's snow everywhere & they like punch wolves & stuff like that guy from taken!


Student 1: Miss you sound just like Student 2's mom
Student 2: She's so white
S1: Every time I see her she's all "Hey girl!"
S2: Or "I literally cannot even deal with you 2 right now"



Student: Miss I love your hair!
Me: Thanks!
Student: It's so festive!


Student 1: Miss you look so pretty in your dress
Me: Thank you
Student 2: Yeah, you look like a real girl!

Sh*t My Students Say Vol. 14

Male Student: Miss you sound like you're from Canada

Female Student (OT): Miss!  So this weekend I was at the movies and I wasn't wearing any make-up & people said I looked just like you.

**A few days later**

Male Student: Oh my God miss you're wearing make-up!

Me: Yeah I was trying to look more like OT

MS: You two are like twins I swear!


Male Student: What do you all think old is?  I think old is like 30 & above.  If you're 30...you're old.
Me: Umm I'm almost 30.
MS: Well then you're almost old Miss.
Me: Rude
MS: It's okay Miss...you're going to be fun old.  Not like Female Student back there.  She's going to be the old lady yelling at kids & dogs to get off her lawn.


Basketball Player: Coach, what are you wearing? You look like you're ready for bed!

**Really I was wearing yoga pants & a hoodie**

Student: Miss you look nice today...like a librarian


**My bathroom pass is a Chick Fil A cow**
Student: Miss whenever I take the pass to the bathroom I always leave it on the sink because it feels like he's staring at me & it creeps me out!

Sh*t My Students Say Vol. 13

I have been going back & forth on this post for a long time.  I had every intention of having a post for this every 3 weeks just like I did last school year.  But then the first 3 weeks went by & I felt like I didn't really have anything, then the next 3 weeks, then the next...  Every once & awhile there has been a comment here or there where I think "I should write that down & bring SMSS back" but then I don't.  A big part of it is that I can't blog at work like I used to.  Well, I probably could if I changed the set up of my room, but as it stands right now, when I sit at my computer my back is to the kids & they can see everything on my computer.  It's also why I've become so terrible at reading/commenting on blogs.

I've decided I don't want SMSS to completely die because sometimes these kids really do have some gems.  However, I'm going to do it every 12 weeks since tomorrow marks the end of the first 12 weeks.  How is the school year 1/3 of the way done already??

Male Student: Miss!  *female student* is so mean!

Me: Is that so?

MS: Yeah, it's why I like her.

Random Student: Miss that was so wrong this morning that you made so & so stop making out.

Me: No what's wrong is making out in the lunch room.

Random Student: Hey! Aren't you the teacher that yelled at so & so to stop making out?

Me: *oh great here we go again* yes

RS: That. Was. AWESOME!

Female Student: Miss it's okay to be poor you just gotta look rich.

Me: Are you saying I look poor?

FS: Well not all the way poor...

Female Student: Miss you need to get out more

Female Student 2: Yeah, enough with staying home to eat grilled cheese & tomato soup...go out...meet a man

Female Student: Miss you got like Brazilian hair
Me: No I have white girl hair
FS: They need to make like white people horses
Me: Huh?
FS: You know for weave

My actual reaction...

**There were probably way more than this & I promise to do my best to keep up with them for the next 12 weeks.**