Thursday, June 18, 2015

Heading Down To Chattanooga

I'm not even going to pretend we got up at the ass crack of dawn.  You know the drill...alarm went off early...we took our time.  It's how we do.  We knew we were going to freeway it & didn't have anywhere we really wanted to stop on our should've been 6.5 hour drive...

Remember yesterday how I said if we hadn't stayed in a ghetto hotel there wouldn't have been the same memories made?  Somewhere around 3-4 in the morning we woke up to a pounding outside.  Apparently we both considered investigating but thought the other would freak out.  Communication people, even at 3 am it's key.  We both just went back to sleep only to wake up a couple of hours later to see a girl sleeping in the hallway (she was given a pillow by someone else in the hallway) outside of the hotel room right next to ours.  We don't know what Britney did to piss Jessica off, or if Jessica is just a raging bitch, but according to the front desk man, despite the fact that Britney was the one paying for the room, Jessica chain locked her out.  That of course meant that even the hotel couldn't get in...and apparently Jessica wouldn't respond either.

Some things about that in no particular order of importance:
1) I don't care who was in the wrong...friendship would be over because either Britney fucked up bad enough to deserve to be locked out of the room she was paying for or Jessica is just a massive bitch but if you lock me out of a room that I'M paying for... #ByeFelicia
2) As the hotel...if you have a girl chain locked out of her hotel room & an unresponsive girl inside...cops are getting called &/or I'm busting the damn door myself #SorryNotSorry
3) Britney & Jessica are completely made up names as we had no flippin clue who those girls were but we wanted to speculate all the live long well as discuss #ReasonsIdLockYouOut

Now that I've wasted 3 paragraphs of your life on stuff not actually pertaining to our travels, I shall go on.

Weather had been really cooperative with us the entire trip up until the point we got to Trusty Stead in the parking lot.  It started down pouring!  Like dropped my stuff on the ground next to the door so I could get in & grab it from there down pouring.  It was clear Florida had had enough of our shit and wanted us gone.  We got some gas & we were off.  Luckily it didn't rain for very long.

Of course maybe if it had still been raining we wouldn't have made the mistake of stopping at the road side stand that contained the time suck that is Jim Hull.  All this girl wanted was some Tupelo honey...not some hour long story that had zero fluidity and got progressively harder to even pretend was interesting. #ImGladIWasntBornATree Don't get me wrong...the man seemed to live an interesting life. However, I'm going to start to get a little stabby if all I wanted was a bear full of honey and by the end you've spent most of the last hour spouting off about your political and religious beliefs.  Luckily some new suckers customers showed up and we promptly exited.

Once back in the car we were out of there like a bat out of hell making our way to the Alabama state line once again.  We spent another brief amount of time in Alabama because a) we had shit we wanted to do in TN b) there is absolutely no reason to stop in the SE corner of Alabama ever & c) Jim Hull had just wasted a precious hour of ours. 

The one sweet thing about Alabama?  We saw a huge wild hog running near the freeway.  It was right at the state line and he was headed into AL so I'm pretty sure he has just escaped Jim Hull as well.
Finally we hit the Georgia state line.  Being the true Walking Dead fans that we are, this immediately prompted talk of walkers and our apocalypse plan that needed some serious revision.  Georgia saw approximately one stop because we were on a time crunch.  While driving through Atlanta we discovered that it was no longer known as Hotlanta but rather Heartlanta. Interesting... #NiceTryATL #HotlantaForever

The Georgia/Tennessee state line was a tricky one.  We spent so much time crossing back & forth between the two there were periods we didn't know where the hell we were. 
FINALLY we reached our destination (& the point of this story...although it's far from over.)  We really wanted to see Rock City & Ruby Falls so we bought the double play & headed out to explore Rock City.  I'll spare you our ridiculousness awesomeness that occurred at Rock City & just share pictures as I'm sure most of you are just skimming for pictures at this point. #IWould #NoJudgement

We then raced to Ruby Falls so we could get there before closing time.  Of course the 2 Minnesota girls would get put on a tour with 2 Iowa girls who have apparently never seen a damn cave before.  There was enough room for us to walk single file.  Despite them being the front of the line, I shit you not every 10 steps (I'm being generous) the stopped to take a picture of the cave wall that looked the exact same as it had 30 steps back.  Lucky for me I was directly behind them.  Hilarious comments & actions ensued.  At least the tour guide thought I was funny.  When we're getting ready to leave the cave the line reversed...making them the back. We almost left Frick & Frack behind.  It fact it was the general consensus from the group that we do so.  They had enough pictures...they could've mapped their way out.  Or ya know followed the one lighted flippin path... Instead the tour guide scolded them for making us all wait for them and told them to hurry up.

You're almost done I promise. The dinner debacle & then I'm through. It was getting late & we were hungry. Downtown Chattanooga is cute...but parking blows.  That could have been for the fact that there was an outdoor music festival/carnival going on but who am I to assign reason... We finally find a ramp to park in & choose a place to eat.  Closed. Next place... closed.  Perhaps because it was 10 pm on Tuesday & also there was a BIG area completely blocked off for the festival.  So where did we eat? The only place open...Buffalo freaking Wild Wings.  Don't get me wrong I love BWW.  However, I have this thing about not eating at places I can do so at home while on trips.  Whatever we were hungry & it was open.  I'll give you the highlights. Creepy men trying to hit on us. Adorable waiter eho saved us from said creepers. Slow ass kitchen. Mediocre food. The 3rd state to not have the ability to make a mojito. Is there some mint shortage I'm not aware of??

It all ended well.  We ate.  Tipped the waiter nicely.  Checked into our Tennessee hotel where the lady at the desk was from Minnesota. Passed the fuck out.

Phew! You made it! Or just looked at pictures.  Whatever floats your boat.


  1. I hate when people take 50 pics of the same damn thing. Or something that looks the same. You need one. Maybe two. Then just live life away from the camera. And you're way nicer than I would have been to Mr. Honey salesman. I don't know what I would have done, but you are very kind to give him an hour of your time!

  2. forever #hotlanta
    I'd break down the door if someone wouldn't let me in the hotel room I paid for.
    Shit not being open when I'm hungry is no bueno. I don't deserve to be punished and have to eat at a fast food places because restaurants only cater to the popular people!! UGH!

  3. Yea.....I'd have called the cops for sure if I was that hotel. Good grief.

    The views from Rock City look amazing!